Forever stoic
by MidnightBlast
Summary: A sith apprentice is handed the most challenging & trying assignment of her life, but will she remain as determined as she believes herself to be? Especially with ObiWan Kenobi helping her see a forbidden side of life that she has never known?
1. Ch 1: And good does not always triumph

Of the fanfics I have posted on this site, this one I am the most apprehensive about posting. I have never written in a universe as huge, detailed & popular as _Star Wars_, and it is not always easy to find all the information one is looking for. Hopefully, I offend no one and have committed no huge errors (and that the story line is somewhat believeable!)  
But this story idea was swirling around in my too long for me to not write about it...so here it is! Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: language, angst, some violence & sexuality

Disclaimer: The only thing I can probably claim as my own is Katarin, but even then I can't really claim her since she is a Sith apprentice, and those belong to Geroge Lucas as well...so I guess in reality I own nothing.

_**Forever Stoic **_

**Chapter 1: And good does not always triumph **

It had been said Katarin's eyes could pierce metal—even through her glasses, if they could be called glasses. And she was still just a student. But a student who had embraced the dark side with every ounce of her being. For always being forgotten about and left behind, her anger and hatred were serving her well. Setti was most proud to call her his.

He knew where to find his apprentice. She had been handed the assigned task of assisting in the training of new initiates. From this training program, the initiates would be split amongst the Sith temple and the ranks of growing Imperial forces. It was Katarin's job to keep the initiates in line while they were judged and their potential measured.

"I told you not to stop." Her voice, cold and commanding filtered through the open doorway to Setti's ears as he slowly approached. Katarin walked among the initiates, hands folded lazily behind her back as she felt her master's presence behind her. She turned just her head to meet the equally cold, dark eyes of her master.

"Master," she said, bowing her head to him, awaiting his words.

"You appear to be doing your duty well."

"As well as my skill allows me, sir." She coldly, lowering her dark-olive green eyes from his as if embarrassed.

"You have much skill beyond your classmates, Katarin—you will go far," Setti said, his voice devoid of true emotion and caring, "especially if you succeed in your newest mission." Katarin raised her eyebrows in questioning, the rest of her face remaining just as stoic as ever. "Come when you have finished here, and we will talk more." Setti said turning from her and walking away.

"Of course, master." She answered turning back around to the initiates. She forced her mind on the present moment, trying to ignore the questioning voice in the back of her mind. _'What Setti wants ...and a new mission…,'_ flashed through her mind before she could think to stop it.

"Mistress Atrides," a boy, panting for breath asked as she passed by, "when…are…we allowed…to…stop?" She cast him a sharp eye.

"When I instruct you to, and not before." She calmly answered, turning away from the boy as he continued to run in place. Watching the young initiates go through this physical testing program reminded her of when she went through the same thing. But she couldn't remember feeling much else before that…just feelings of loss and anger plagued her mind when she tried to think of times before her training under Master Setti. If there were any positive feelings in her past, she had no knowledge of them. Besides, they were of no help…they only made a person weak.

At first it had taken her a while to wrap her mind around such a concept. '**_There's a conflict in every human heart between the rational and the irrational, between good and evil. And good does not always triumph…,'_ **Setti had once told her, disdain dripping from his voice as he said the ever-familiar cliché.

In fact, Katarin was sure there wasn't an ounce of goodness to be found anywhere in her. Which was just the way she wanted it to be. **_'It is far better to be feared than loved…,'_** Setti had explained to her as she was trying to deal with anger. She'd tried to fight it out of her system, but Setti taught her how to use it, how to embrace it and through it, accomplish things she never thought possible.

"Hold up." Her voice echoed through the high ceiling of the room. "Rest." She cast her sharp green eyes hidden behind thin slivers of glass up to the window where Masters and Commanders were evaluating the initiates. A red light turned off. Katarin pushed a stray strand of her auburn hair out of her face as she moved towards the front of the room, her black robes flowing behind her.

She could sense the feelings from those around her constantly, and she knew her appearance was powerful, intimidating almost. The dark of the black clothing and eye makeup contrasted sharply with the paleness of her skin. But knowing that others respected her for it, respected the fact that she was powerful, made her feel even more powerful. She knew she could handle herself…and no one would dare double-cross her. _'Everything as it should be…nothing amiss.'_ She disappeared through a small door and up a small stairwell to the judging room.

"Katarin, you should have them run longer. I sensed a wave of compassion run through you, affecting your decision. You need more diligence in your meditation." Master Do-Lung scolded, his voice condescending.

"Most certainly, master. I was not aware of any such feeling—"

"Hence your need for more meditation."

"Of course sir," she said, fighting all thoughts from entering her mind, "what routine would you have them do next, sirs?" She addressed the panel, glancing about the room, standing stone still.

Commander Merkin watched her with interest, hesitance and maybe even fear. No woman at twenty-five years of age should have such a power about her. Even though he was higher then she in the Imperial Forces ranks, this woman could kill him faster than he could blink and would not think twice about it. He gulped nervously under her intense gaze, marveling at how unmoving she was, except for her eyes—those eyes were worlds all their own.

"Your shift is up, Katarin," Commander Merkin said quickly, "another is on their way and they will finish. Thank you for your diligence—Master Do-Lung does not give credit where credit is due."

"If there is room for improvement, credit is not due." She coldly tossed over her shoulder before turning to Master Do-Lung and bowing respectfully before turning on her heels and walking silently away.

The door to the apartment she and her Master shared slid silently open. She knew before even entering the room that Setti was already in the main room, deep in mediation, awaiting her arrival. Silently she sat in a chair opposite him, her eyes fixed on him in awe, marveling at how powerful the serenity surrounding him appeared.

"You know you need work on your meditation as Do-Lung pointed out…why do you waste time?" Her heart jumped at the suddenness with which Setti's voice pierced the air, but her face remained emotionless.

"You said we would talk after my shift, Master…you mentioned something about a new mission." She winced at the obvious excitement in her voice.

"It would be wise to lose that excitement, Katarin," Setti's deep blue eyes opened and locked with hers, "this mission will be your most trying."

"I feel ready for a challenge sir." She honestly admitted. A barely noticeable smile graced Setti's slender face.

"I know you are…that is why you have been chosen as the next person to infiltrate the Jedi temple." _'WHAT!'_ **'You need to control your thoughts better, apprentice—anything could come at any time, and you must be prepared.'**

"Expect the unexpected, Katarin." Setti suddenly said aloud.

"The Jedi temple, sir…won't they sense my presence or lack thereof before I am even in the temple?"

"If you succeed, no," she looked at Setti curiously, her curious thoughts streaming through their master-apprentice bond, "you have two weeks of training to suppress everything you have learned, all while keeping it available to you; training on how to tap into the other side of the force, how to fabricate memories and feelings to feed to the Jedi. Your training in camouflaging your thoughts begins tomorrow with a two week countdown." Setti closed his eyes. He would say no more on it now.

Katarin sat back, processing all the information. She would be joining Master Gitan in the plans of infiltrating the Jedi temple to gain information. She couldn't understand why her…why a student... A student has a much greater risk of betraying their thoughts and feelings to the other side. She sighed quietly, uncertainly, hoping to the force that Setti hadn't heard her.

Setti allowed himself a small smirk. Nervousness and curiosity were plaguing her mind for the first time in years, starting to cloud it already. Yes, she would serve their need well and would not fail him. Of that he was certain.

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hopefully, it's not too far-fetched or not possible. reivew only if'n ya want--if its too far-fetched or unbelievable, than be honest about it. the whole story is already finished...it'll just be a matter of when i get it up. 


	2. Ch 2: Life anew

out of habit, here's the second chapter. hope you enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply.

**Chapter 2: Life anew **

"My head has never felt so empty, Master," Katarin, exhaustion laced in her voice admitted as they awaited the arrival of the transport, "I hear nothing."

"That is how it should be," Setti said almost disinterestedly, "fabricate only what the Jedi wish to hear and you will go undetected. Let down your guards or call upon powers beyond that of a Padawan learner, and you will be found out. Master Gitan can only do so much for you." She nodded, trying to hide a yawn.

The last two weeks had been incessant meditation and reading and preparing. She had become familiar with every Jedi tradition, custom, almost all their teachings, all while learning to mask everything her training with Setti had given her. Her mind felt empty, to say the least, devoid of every thought, which left it wide open to think. To think of things to say, to create memories and feelings and thoughts that would not betray her.

But projecting a nondescript force aura had proved to be the most difficult of everything. Melting the ice field she had built around herself by focusing on false memories that never even existed had been so taxing on her, physically and mentally. In a way, it helped to empty her head more and reinforce the mental shields.

Setti glanced back to Katarin. She looked awful. As a Jedi Padawan learner, she could no longer wear the dark eye makeup she was so fond of, but the dark circles under her eyes from late night, grueling meditations were serving as a natural form of eye makeup that shone out from underneath her glass lenses. In the process of modifying her aura projected by the force, her eyes had lightened from their usual dark-olive green to a pale, almost opaque green. Her now pale eyes, coupled with her pale skin and light-colored Jedi clothing—Setti almost felt sorry for the girl. There was nothing distinct about her anymore—she looked every inch the humble servant—save for those glasses of hers.

Her vision was not perfect. Far from it actually, and it required correction by lenses. Most unfortunately, when lenses to go inside her eye were created, she had a most violent reaction to them and so alternate measures were taken. In the end, she found the only effective way to wear them was to attach them directly to her face. And so she did—a metal rod permanently resided in the skin on her nose which held the lenses over her eyes. He'd seen her many times without the lenses on and felt the bar between her eyes only lent itself more to her intimidating appearance. But now, dressed as she was, not even her unusual glasses were enough. Yes, much to Setti's approval and somewhat disappointment, she at least looked the part.

The hum of the transport's engine as it landed swiftly on the pad stole his attention from Katarin as he felt an increase in nervousness shout out from her.

"Rest on route Coruscant, Katarin. Your training will only be in vain if you arrive at the temple weak minded." Setti said, as they approached the transport.

"Of course, Master. That was my plan." She said hoping she sounded more confident than she felt. She hated herself for feeling nervous about the mission. Nervousness would only cloud her mind and make her forget some integral part of her training, increasing the risk that she would blow her cover. And she hated that she had gotten even more nervous now that the transport was here…and knowing that Setti could sense every ounce of her self-doubt. She hated herself for it…but couldn't for the life of her shake it. _'A simple mission reduces all that power to nothing…,'_ a dejected voice in the back of her head whispered. **'What good is power if it is never tested or tried?'** Setti's voice echoed in the back of her head. Instantly she wished he was going with her. It would make the mission so much smoother.

"I will not disappoint you, Master." She said, finding the confidence and will to make her resolve here and now.

"Of that, I have no doubt." Setti smiled a small proud smile as he rested a hand on her shoulder. "May the force be with you."

"May the force be with you." She bowed respectfully before turning from Setti and walking up the gangplank, sighing the deepest sigh of her life.

xxxxxxxxx

No sooner had she removed her lenses and let her head fall back against the headrest did she fall into a light, restless sleep. It hadn't lasted long, much to her disappointment, so she resorted to creating memories instead. Since she was sure she would have to be watching her step enough as it was, the last thing she needed was for her mind to be spinning on every question asked.

Fake memories were easy enough to come by, but fake feelings were something else entirely. She could only imagine what it felt like to be loved, as she had no memory of ever feeling loved. Nor would she ever. Love had no place in her life—and it wouldn't as far as she was concerned. Just the mere thought of it was enough to make her laugh disgustedly.

She brought a hand to rest on the bridge of her nose, her index finger toying with the magnetized end of the bar for her lenses. She glanced around the transport's cabin, noticing how the fuzzy-rimmed objects were most appropriate for her empty state of mind.

As the transport lowered and skimmed through the traffic lanes of Coruscant, she knew it would only be a matter of minutes before they would dock at the Temple. Sighing determinedly, she picked up the individual lenses and listened to the magnetized ends snap together, watching the world around her become sharply defined once again. The transport slowed to a stop and she left the cabin without so much as a backwards glance or stray thought.

"Welcome young Katarin Atrides." She recognized Master Gitan from years ago. Last she'd seen of him, he was cloaked in heavy black, but now, he looked quite the light-side scholar in his brown and beige robes, his thin mouth smiling almost happily, but his eyes revealing a whole other side to him. A side, that like Katarin, he had to hide and conceal.

"Master Gitan—it is good to see you well." Katarin said, fully assuming the role of a Padawan learner who had been separated from her master for some time.

"And you—you've grown quite a bit since I've last seen you." He commented, forcing a warm smile on his face. To those around, it would look real—but between him and Katarin, it meant nothing. She nodded quietly, not too sure what to say in response. Masters never openly complimented or praised their apprentices as far she knew. Maybe the Jedi were different and slightly more nurturing…? _'But of course they are—don't forget everything you've just learned,'_ she mentally scolded herself.

"Well let us be off." Gitan turned without waiting a second and Katarin followed dutifully behind him. The door from the pad to the temple slid open and Katarin instantly began to marvel at the interior of the Temple. But quickly she chased those thoughts away, focusing on Master Gitan.

"Master Gitan—I was wondering—"

"Do not be so impatient, Katarin. Do not think I have not been hearing your questions as is," Gitan said sharply and instantly she stiffened, cursing herself for giving in to her curiosity. "You have the afternoon to wander the corridors of the Temple and become familiar with it—I strongly suggest you do so. Seek me out afterwards and you will know the location of your quarters. From there, we will talk more of the future."

"Yes sir—"

"Master, Katarin." Gitan sharply corrected.

"Yes Master." Katarin said, already realizing how much a change this was going to be, and how much she still had to work on.

"Very well then." Gitan said quietly before nodding quickly at her and ducking down a side hallway, leaving her to herself. A part of her was surprised that she would be left alone, unaccompanied in the Jedi temple so soon, but another part of her felt justified and proud that she was trusted so much. Fighting back a triumphant smirk, she continued her walk through the temple.

* * *

well there ya go. ...arrival at the Jedi temple. we'll see how things go from there (if not too unbelievable). review if'n ya want! next chapter should be up soon. 


	3. Ch 3: Discovery

thanks for the reviews! here's chapter 3 (sorry that its a bit short...but they get longer). i guess i should have mentioned this in a previous chapter (but i bet you've figured it out) that this story takes place pre-"Phantom Menace." enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply. (and i forgot to give credit to the 16 people/groups who have contributed words-of-wisdom that fit this story)

dialouge/thought code:  
_'single quotes italics'_--Katarin's thoughts  
**'single quotes bold'**--other-character-in-the-scene's thoughts (usually Obi-Wan, sometimes Setti)  
**_'single quotes bold-italics'_**--a character's recollection of something another character has said (usually Katarin's, sometimes Obi-Wan's)

**Chapter 3: Discovery **

Awe inspiring. That's mostly what she saw of the Jedi Temple. Awe-inspiring and beautiful. So peaceful, majestic even, with long slender hallways lined with graceful arches along the ceiling. But force almighty it was bright. So many windows letting light shine in all over. She breathed deeply, squinting as she turned a corner, bringing two fingers to rest on the bridge of her nose above her glasses. Even though she managed to catch a little sleep on the transport to Coruscant, she still was exhausted from the past two weeks of continual drilling and meditation.

And it didn't help that her clothes were layered much thicker than she was used to. The cloth she'd always thought was too heavy to be of any practical use, but it was long and flowing which allowed her the full range of her motions. It also gave her actions a gracefulness that she wasn't used to possessing. As she passed by other Jedi who nodded respectfully as she did the same, she awed at how their long flowing cloaks and clothing made them all seem as though they were floating. She could only guess if she looked the same.

At least the colors were to her liking. She had about died when she found out most of her wardrobe consisted of browns, grays and beiges. No black anywhere. At least her "Jedi" robe was a dark, slate gray—the closest to black she could wear while in full Jedi-attire. And to accompany to her dark gray robe, she'd been outfitted with dark chocolate pants and a beige tunic with a belt that matched the pants. She hoped she looked the part…and not too dark. She had been instructed to let the curls that naturally ran through her hair to return and not straighten them out. So not only was Katarin walking around in clothes she had no choosing over, she wore no makeup and had long flowing curls softly naturally framing her face. She hated the look…she felt too pure and unassuming. The look inspired no respect…no power.

'_Why am I thinking on clothes and looks? Who am I trying to impress?'_ She suddenly wondered, almost disgusted with herself for thinking so shallowly. _'I need to go clear my head,'_ she decided resolutely, despite her exhaustion, shaking her head quickly as she continued walking, sensing some gardens lying ahead of her.

It would be different to mediate among so much life. Usually it was just the walls of her quarters and the familiar objects she had placed there. But today, surrounded by plants teeming with life…it would be interesting to see how much she could delve inside herself with all that around her. With all that positive energy fighting against her dark side skills. She settled on a bench, crossing her legs underneath her, forming an open triangle with her hands as she let her eyes close and a deep sigh leave her.

All the energy from the plants had a very cleansing air to it. As though if she let it in, it would sweep her mind clean and keep it clear only for positive thoughts. Katarin guessed that was a good thing. _''Nature never makes things for mean or no uses.' Of course…,'_ she mentally groaned, remembering that everything had a purpose, even if it only benefited Jedi.

Gradually she pushed those thoughts away and felt out with the force around her, internalizing what she could, suppressing everything that had to be kept hidden. Deeper and deeper she pushed the truth, locking it away and building around it an array of fabricated memories and feelings, using everything she knew of to keep the prying minds of Masters out. So far it seemed to be working…but Katarin was by no means out of the woods yet. _'Oh…another human…a Jedi.'_

Another person had joined her in the gardens to meditate. She reached out further to the new arrival through the force, circling around his life force. A Padawan learner. A slight smirk tugged at her lips. _'This should be fun—he should be easy to read, after all, he is just a student.' _

'**You would think that wouldn't you.' **

'_Shit, he heard that!'_

Her mind screamed before she could quiet it. So, this other person was a more advanced Padawan learner…this should be even more fun.

'**Colorful word there.' **

'_Why thank you.'_ She felt a warmth surrounding her and slowly sifting through her mind. Only returning the favor, she focused closer on the Jedi's thoughts and feelings, gliding smoothly through all kinds of different things. It felt almost refreshing…some warmth into the coldness of her mind. Katarin could only hope her own searching wasn't revealing the dark coldness that usually surrounded her force aura.

Suddenly, she started to pick up on some deep hidden feelings…feelings that Jedi shouldn't have—longing, frustration, anger even. Katarin dared not to look further. There were just parts of the human psyche she never cared to explore nor felt right to, dark side or not.

Without realizing it, she was smiling as she continued to reach out to him, finding herself unwilling to stop. Suddenly she felt gnawing at her mental shields hiding the truth.

"Ah-ah—don't go there." She said aloud, feeling his concentration somewhat falter.

"I wasn't going to." A voice more softly elegant and silky had never before reached her ears. _'Oh wow…,'_ she quickly thought.

"Just making sure." She nonchalantly replied as she pulled away from him, finding some new indescribable feeling, mixed with contentment swell in her mind. A hazy peace surrounded her, and she laughed inwardly at her abandoned mission of trying to clear her mind. **'You keep your thoughts and feelings well controlled for a Padawan…not too much to go on anymore….'** _'Have to leave some things to mystery, or else's where the fun?'_ She heard a soft chuckle from somewhere out in the gardens. Her olive-green eyes opened.

"Where are you?" She called out curiously, not moving from her meditating position.

"I'm here…where are you?" His voice filtered out of the surrounding plants. _'Playful, arrogant little thing…,'_ she thought almost annoyed, as she rolled her eyes, a playfully annoyed smirk on her usually stoic face.

"Do I get to see you?" She asked again, an almost hopefully note to her voice. **'I think not… _'have to leave some thing to mystery, or else's where the fun?''_** She laughed silently. _'Very well—then at least a name—you'll have mine.'_

"Katarin." She said softly, waiting for his response.

"Obi-Wan." Her brows furrowed in disappointment as his life force left the gardens and she found herself alone once again. Her eyes flew open. What was she doing…and what was that interaction all about? It was almost as though he was playing hard-to-get…but then again, so did she it seemed. She groaned in annoyance as she flew from the bench towards her quarters, already finding her first day in the Jedi Temple, surrounded by so much positive light and energy, to be a mental hell.

xxxxxxxx

Seeking out Master Gitan was proving to be harder then Katarin had originally thought. She knew it was a test of sorts, so in no way would she fail, but it was proving rather trying to navigate through the light to find to find the right Master. She found him eventually, and wound her way through the corridors towards him. The door slid silently open and she sat opposite him as he meditated quietly.

"I sense exhaustion and bewilderment at everything bombarding you all at once—I felt much the same way my first day here," Gitan smoothly said, "as though I would never again feel the way I once felt all thanks to the energy from the place coursing constantly around me. But that's where the true test of your strength lays—in how well you hold fast to all that you have learned or in how quickly you abandon it." Katarin looked at him blankly, taking in all he was saying, knowing in her heart of hearts she could not fail. _'Would not fail..,'_ she mentally corrected herself. "Go rest—we'll speak more when you're refreshed. More of the rules and places you are allowed to wander freely, and more on your interactions with Jedi—the ones you have yet to meet, and the one you have met." She glanced at him rather sharply, surprised to hear he knew of her meeting with Obi-Wan, as consciously she was not even thinking of it. She nodded mutely, shoving everything to the back of her mind as she rose, shaking her head and popping her lenses off as she made her way to her room for some much needed sleep.

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there ya go. review if'n ya want. next chapter should be up before the week is out. thanks again! 


	4. Ch 4: More?

thanks to you guys that have reviewed & stuck with it so far! well here's the next chapter (said i'd have it up by the end of the week, so here it is). i haven't read any of the books prequeling the movies, so i don't know about any of the friends that Obi-Wan had in the Temple, so I made some up... enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply

**Chapter 4: More? **

Gitan thought Katarin was handling the situation well…all things considered. But still he couldn't help but sense her strength would wane and that she would fall. But foresight was not one of Gitan's greatest of strengths, so he could not say for certain. Her bedroom door slid open and Gitan glanced over, seemingly uninterested until he caught sight of her appearance.

"Where are you going?" He quickly asked stopping her in her tracks.

"I am going to the gym. I feel the need to release unnecessary emotions through physical activity after hours of meditation."

"Not without your Jedi robe." Gitan softly corrected.

"Shit…." She muttered under her breath as she ducked back to her room, grabbing the thick hooded cloak.

"It would be wise to guard your tongue—Jedi do not find such curses appealing."

"I will take that under advisement—"

"And your brittleness this morning—you had best let it go before setting foot out the door." She sighed, knowing that Gitan was absolutely right. She knew she couldn't appear flustered or frustrated. _'Must act as everyone else…everyone else…'_

"But therein lies your problem," Gitan suddenly said, cutting off her thoughts, "you can't stand to act as everyone else here…it's the reason you train under Setti and not a Jedi master. But that is the true test of strength and devotion—to overcome and prove yourself stronger."

"Yes master." She said coolly, brushing all frustration and jumbled thoughts aside. Her mind had to be completely clear in order to face whatever the Jedi would throw her way. She breathed deep, clearing her mind, focusing on her surroundings. The door slid open and she glided out into the hallway, the cloak flaring out behind her. She kept every thought virtually silent, only consciously forming thoughts when passing by other Jedi.

Uneventfully she reached the gym and wound her way up the stairwell to where the treadmills were. Glancing around, she noticed how all the Padawans had shed their robes so quickly she shimmied out of hers, hating it with a passion. She found she could have cared less what others around might think of her appearance or glasses as she squared her shoulders, grabbing a towel. _'Maybe it'll scare everyone away….'_

"Hi—are you a new Padawan?" Katarin spun around, plastering an excited smile on her face.

"Not a new Padawan, but I've been away from the Temple for sometime." Katarin doubted even Setti would have been able to tell she was lying.

"Ok—I'm Mariya, by the way." She said warmly.

"Katarin. I'm Master Gitan's apprentice."

"That's you—ok—we've known Gitan had a Padawan but we didn't know who he or she was."

"I just got here yesterday."

"Just got in and already you're back in training? Wow…I didn't think Gitan was that strict."

"He wants to be assured I am always at the top of my game."

"As any good master should," Mariya agreed, "have you run yet?"

"No—I'm about to," Katarin said, "have you?" She added quickly, hoping she sounded genuinely interested.

"I'm about to—come on, we'll run together." Mariya headed towards the treadmills with Katarin in tow.

'_Only difficulty levels 1-20? What about 22-25?'_ Katarin looked at the treadmill in almost disbelief—she couldn't believe they didn't go as high as the ones back home. _'Home… 'home is where the heart it'—what heart? Only strength and the desire to acquire power reside in my 'home'.'_

"Level 20?' Mariya asked curiously as Katarin keyed it in. She looked up at Mariya, shrugging indifferently with a smile on her face.

"Shouldn't be too bad," she hoped she sounded humble enough, "Setti has me on a very regimented workout."

"Setti?" _'Setti—shit, shit, double shit!'_ "I thought Gitan was your master." Mariya tentatively questioned.

"Gitan is my master…Setti…is what I call him," Katarin prayed she sounded sincere, "it's a nickname he despises."

"Oh…if that's all then what was all the screaming about?" Mariya asked between breaths.

"Screaming?" Katarin asked, letting her eyes scan over the first floor of the gym, not fully listening to Mariya.

"Yeah the…shit, shit..." Mariya mumbled quickly, under her breath.

"Oh…Gitan has forbidden me from using his nickname in public—he's afraid others will call him by it."

"Oh I wouldn't dare—the only one I could be disrespectful towards would be my own master, but not even then sometimes." A laugh sounded on Mariya's voice, and Katarin could not help but laugh at the truth on Mariya's words. Katarin continued her surveying—there were a lot of students here, very few of them being lorded over by a master.

"All these students come here of their own volition?" Katarin suddenly asked.

"Of course…all of us trying to improve, to please our masters." Clearly the exercise was taking its effects on Mariya as her words came in bunches between deep breaths. Katarin felt her own heart pounding, but worked to keep her own breathing somewhat even. Setti once explained that the ability—to keep the body under control in times of physical stress and work—would only make her that more powerful and superior. Absolute music to Katarin's ears.

Her roaming eyes fell on three guys by the weights—one lifting, one spotting, the third also lifting. _'Not a bad looking bunch,'_ a feminine voice deep in her mind whispered. Between the three of them—one with raven-black hair, emerald smirking eyes; the second with light-brown hair, gray-blue smiling eyes; and the third with dark-brown hair—she could not pull her eyes away just yet. The dark-brown haired on was on his back weight lifting, so much to her disappointment she could not see his eyes.

"You seem preoccupied suddenly." Mariya said, noticing Katarin's fixed gaze. "You've got good taste," Mariya said, turning her eyes to the three Katarin was watching, "in looks at least."

"In looks? Are they all just hot-headed jerks or something?" Katarin heard herself ask over a voice in her head screaming at her to disengage from this mindless chatter.

"Oh no—they're all great, nice guys mostly. Good friends—but beyond that….Well Temos—the one on the bench—is as arrogant at times as he is polite," Mariya paused as Katarin let herself laugh and turn her eyes back to the three. The one spotting was looking up—straight at her. She held his crystalline gray-blue eyes for what seemed like an eternity. **'Help you?'** _'Damn you.'_ His eyes widened and she smirked as she turned back to Mariya.

"And the one spotting?"

"That's Obi-Wan Kenobi—he's one of my good friends. A bit cocky at times, but very smart, very skilled—and next to him, the one with the weights above his head—that's Jemarin. I don't know why Obi-Wan and Temos hang with him," Mariya said almost disgustedly, "he's as annoying as a gungan." Katarin laughed almost silently, before her mind inadvertently turned to Obi-Wan.

How could this possibly be the same guy? She guessed it could be—she didn't know him and she hadn't seen him yesterday. Without fully realizing it, she let her eyes fall back to the weights—but a new group had moved over. Katarin huffed silently as Mariya's words echoed in her head—_'**'he's a bit cocky at times,'** you can say that again, **'but very smart, very skilled.'**'_ She couldn't help but wonder what Mariya had meant by skilled….Jedi skills most likely…but then again, a jealous voice in the back of her head was sure it meant something more. _'Wait…a jealous voice; a _jealous _voice? Oh force, am I in trouble.'_

"Temos!" Katarin snapped from her thoughts at Mariya's sudden greeting. She rolled her eyes and kept on running.

"Hey Mariya—having fun?" Temos asked sarcastically.

"Don't you know it—why aren't you running?" Mariya asked between breaths as Katarin glanced over.

"We already did," Temos quickly nodded to Obi-Wan, "who's your new friend Mariya?"

"I'm Katarin," she quickly answered before Mariya could, meeting Temos' and Obi-Wan's eyes.

"That's who I thought you were," Obi-Wan's voice was just as soft as she remembered it being, "you're the only person who has cursed twice since yesterday."

"Observant of you Obi-Wan." Katarin shot back, meeting his eyes almost playfully, her voice indifferent.

"You two've already met?" Mariya asked curiously, looking between them.

"We ran into each other in the gardens yesterday." Obi-Wan quickly said.

"Small temple," Temos said nodding his head, turning towards Mariya, asking her some question Katarin didn't listen to.

"You made it sound like people curse all the time, Obi-Wan." Katarin suddenly said, watching him laugh almost silently.

"I should have clarified then—you're the only person in the temple to have cursed in a long time."

"Now you're making yourself seem like a golden boy—"

"Hey Mariya—you didn't tell her Obi-Wan's nickname did you?" Temos suddenly, loudly asked.

"Nickname? Golden boy?" Katarin started softly laughing, turning towards Obi-Wan whose cheeks were starting to slightly flush, with a small, annoyed smile on his face.

"Yeah—Katarin guessed it right off," Mariya said smiling playfully, "because I didn't have time yet to tell her."

"Golden boy, hunh?" Katarin said again.

"Annoying name such as it is, but yes," he admitted begrudgingly, "what of you?"

"What of me what?" She asked dismissively, slowing the speed of the treadmill.

'**Don't think a question will deter me so easily—I'll pursue you if I wish.'** She turned and stared at him almost wide-eyed.

'_Arrogant aren't we?'_

'**Pot calling the kettle black.'**

'_Wow…that's an old saying.'_

'**True in our case.'**

'_Absolutely.'_

"I didn't think Jedi dealt in absolutes." He suddenly, softly asked, a serious tone coloring his voice. She licked her lips, smiling seriously.

"What if some of us secretly do?" She heard herself say, watching her words register in his eyes.

"Then you would be human, I'd say," he finally said, a weary warning going off in the back of his mind. She laughed and stepped off the treadmill.

"You mean to say you're not human?" She asked, raising her brows curiously, a playful question on her face.

"Won't you just have to find out for yourself…." He trailed off, smiling mischievously at her, meeting her eyes, as she noticed the light and life in their crystalline depths. Force he was dizzying and intriguing.

"I can tell you're smart," she suddenly said, "maybe too smart." He narrowed his gaze at her.

"And I can tell you're confident, maybe too confident." His voice emanated with a wisdom that seemed far beyond his years. Her smile somewhat fell, and for a second she was sure he knew of her true allegiances. But she quickly shook her head, forcing such thoughts far from her mind.

"Aren't we all…," she finally said, "it's why we're still students—we haven't the knowledge and control to be Masters," he nodded laughingly as she stepped around him. "Mariya, Temos," the other two looked over, "I'll see you guys later. Obi-Wan," she turned back to him, "…nice to finally see you."

"And you—without doubt we will meet again."

"You can count on it." She said almost disinterestedly before walking away.

"And a word to the wise, Katarin," she turned on her heels, masking the surprise on her face, "be careful you who reveal your choice words to—common curses are ill-favored."

"Well I should hope so," she said, listening to him laugh, "then I will just have to use them around you." He laughed again, shaking his head dismissively. She turned and grabbed her robe, quickly leaving the group of padawans behind.

So far so good. Contact had been established, and she felt none of them doubting her, or trying to search her out. Honestly Katarin had not been expecting any of them to. And of them all, the only one she thought to be even remotely close to equaling her would be Obi-Wan. The rest were far below her—that Katarin could say with confidence.

But already, at least twice, she had almost given up her cover, saying more than she should have. _'Easily remedied though—just focus more in the moment, less in my thoughts, and I will say nothing I regret.'_ A confident, almost excited smile spread across her face as she walked down the corridor, feeling quite a power boost at being so beyond her peers. But still, there was some part of her mind lingering on Obi-Wan, for reasons that sparked annoying uncertainty in her heart.

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well there ya go. review if'n ya want. next chapter should be up early week hopefully.


	5. Ch 5: Just one week

thanks to those who have read & reviewed & continue to do so! here's the next chapter. enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply.

**Chapter 5: Just one week **

Before fully realizing it, a full week had passed. Katarin was finally starting to fall into a rhythm, and almost enjoy spending her time in the temple. She was beginning to understand some of the more intricate workings of her enemy, and by understanding them better, she could defeat them better.

And so each day, she let herself learn all she could about the Jedi, in hopes of someday using her knowledge against them. Plus, she was in more control over her thoughts and words—having not said anything or let any stray thoughts loose that could give her away. Things were progressing even smoothly than she could have imagined.

Surprisingly enough, she had managed to make 'friends.' She found herself spending the times between training and meditation, with Bant, Temos, Lenia and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, the longer she was around him, was proving to be quite an interest. Of all of them, he was the more knowledgeable and proficient, peeking Katarin's curiosity as she tried to figure out just how equal to her he was.

His somewhat cocky suaveness only seemed to be a front, covering up something much more good and humble natured, gentlemanly and wise. Whatever it was, she had yet to put her finger on it, which suited her. It kept things between them more fast-paced and exciting—it was as though they both were hiding something, and they knew the other one suspected it. Plus even Katarin would admit he was handsome—and something in his eyes always seemed to hold her like a spell. Not that she consciously minded…she attributed it to making him that more interesting and worth her time. _'He's the only one here proving remotely worth it,'_ she thought haughtily, absentmindedly as the door to a practice room slid open.

But now, all such thoughts had no place in her mind. Her meditation would require the utmost concentration, and even one stray thought could be enough to make her lose all control and ultimately crash to the floor, or hurt herself. Silently, she knelt down on the padded mat, silencing her mind completely, focusing only on the here and now, shielding herself from the outside world.

xxxxxxxxx

Obi-Wan felt this practice room was empty—finally! All the others had been occupied with classes of some kind or another, and it was nice to find a free one. The door slid silently open and Obi-Wan stopped in his tracks. Hunched over on the floor was Katarin…make no mistake. Her brown/red curls were pulled back into a sloppy bun and she knelt on the floor, her head pressed to the ground.

'**Force, she's hurt!'** Obi-Wan moved towards her when suddenly her hands shot out and braced against the floor. Without a sound, her right leg began to rise into the air, keeping a level distance from the floor. She brought her foot to rest flatly on the ground beside her after sweeping it out in an arc around her kneeling form. The left leg suddenly rose and moved in the same graceful circle before resting beside her. Slowly, and most snakelike Obi-Wan noted, her back straightened, bringing her head upright to where she now sat in a crouching position with her back as straight as a pole. Her arms suddenly arced around her head, and as one she moved them to rest on the floor behind her, her back bending itself in a most graceful arch. Her right leg rose into the air and she froze in place, her eyes tightly shut, her deep even breaths the only sound in the room.

Obi-Wan stood mesmerized. Not only from the control and concentration she was displaying, but also because he saw now that her Jedi robes did nothing for her. He watched her right leg lower gently back to its place and the left one raise slowly into the air before she froze again. He had never thought her to be so fit and while she was not as curvy as other women, she still was gifted with a pleasing-to-look-at, willowy body. She went through more poses and movements all of which had captured Obi-Wan's interest, and soon all thoughts of his workout were forgotten.

He had never before seen the like of what she was doing. It was as if she was stretching, but from the look on her face, it was much more than that. And not all the movements were stretches—his favorite had to have been when she came out of one position by lifting both legs into the air over her head, in a bit of a controlled, slow back-flip, bringing them down into the splits, hovering an inch or so off the ground.

Force, that woman was flexible. Obi-Wan breathed deep, his body starting to betray him the more he watched her—he was a man after all, and seeing this woman move so, was almost too much for him. He shook his head, fighting to regain control of himself—**'it's Katarin whom I don't hardly know—I have no feelings for her—should have no feelings for her,'** he mentally corrected himself. He turned his attention back to her and noticed her in a sitting position with her legs bent at angles around her, her back straight, head centered squarely on her shoulders. She let her eyes open.

"Obi-Wan!" she said quickly, surprise evident on her face, "hi." She said, for lack of anything better to say. _'Why didn't I sense him there!'_ Her mind was racing…she could not believe she let herself get that involved in her meditation that she did not even notice his presence.

"Katarin," he simply said, "I didn't mean to interrupt—"

"No, I've just finished," she said almost sheepishly, yet with a dismissive confidence to her voice, "how long were you standing there?" She asked, fighting embarrassment from coloring her cheeks.

"Since you rose from your kneeling position." He openly admitted, knowing she probably knew already.

"You saw the whole thing?" She asked, quickly, effortlessly rising to her feet, a blush clearly spreading across her cheeks for reasons unbeknownst to her. _'This shouldn't matter to me, so why does it!'_ she thought angrily.

"It was beautiful to watch," he said crossing closer to her, "I've never seen the like of it before. You have poise and control enough that seems to rival that of masters." Thank the force her back was to him! She had bitten her lip to keep a smile from forming and her eyes had shut. He complimented her where her heart lay—in power. And the sincerity in his voice had completely blown her away—never before had she heard the like of it. _'Wait…stop it Katarin!'_

"Thank you Obi-Wan," she quickly said, a note of forced indifference to her words, "well I'll let you have the practice room. Sorry for not having done something…or acknowledging your presence…" She felt so stupid for rambling, so quickly she turned to leave.

"But you never did answer my question," Obi-Wan calmly called after her, "what was that you were doing?"

"Meditation through motion," she said, turning back around, "focus on the control and strength of the body, and through that the mind and body become one, with the force as a guide."

"Where did you learn it?"

"It's something I've always done….," she trailed off, "my mother got me started on it—before I was chosen." _'Mother—ha! What mother…?'_ some dark voice in the back of her mind scoffed.

"Surely not so advanced though…." He asked curiously.

"No—some of the more advanced moves I sort of developed, but there are some that are simpler than the ones you saw," her cheeks started to burn, "that I cannot do. So really, the movements you saw are no measure of my skill."

"I find that hard to believe." His eyes locked with hers. _'What is it with him…or about him?'_

"Well, believe what you will—but for some of them, my flexibility is not where it should be, so I require some assistance." She smiled almost sheepishly, voices exploding in the back of her head. _'I just admitted to him I was weak—and that I need help! What is wrong with me! Why to him of _all _people!' _

"Let me help you then." He said, surprising even himself.

"I thank you, but I do not wish to deter you from your exercises." She forced herself to say, for at his words, excitement had started to fill her heart, excitement and certain dread.

"You would not be keeping me," he lightly scolded, "if helping you requires I do anything half as complicated as what you were doing, then I am certain it will count as a workout." He smiled warmly at her, and she found herself unable to find any response. Surprising herself, but deciding to roll with it, she nodded, moving back towards him. _'Am I going to regret this?'_

She went and stood in front of him, her back to him as she closed her eyes, sending her focus inward.

"Just do as I say," she simply said, almost silently, a noticeable note of vulnerability to her voice oddly enough. She bent at her waist, leaving her legs straight and extended, resting the palms of her hands against the mat. Slowly she raised her right hand skyward and then her left leg. She looked more like a statue than a person in Obi-Wan's eyes.

"Ok…," **'does she sound nervous,'** "place your hands firmly on my stomach or hips—you're going to have to help hold me up, so wherever you find the best grip." Suddenly, inwardly, Obi-Wan blanched. As if his thoughts and body were not tempting to run away with him at it was, he now had to touch her.

Gingerly he wrapped his fingers around her sides, grasping a firm grip on her abdomen. _'Force he's got warm, smooth hands.'_ Her skin, felt by a few of his fingers from the gap between her pants and shirt, was every bit as soft as he'd thought it to be. **'Focus…focus.'** His body was yelling at him to let it all go, but he held his ground, quickly jarred back to the moment by her slow, steady movement.

Gradually she raised her right leg into the air, and quickly Obi-Wan shifted his grip to hold her tight, fighting to ignore the sensation of her moving muscles against him. Simultaneously, her right hand was lowered to the ground.

Easily she shifted her weight to the right hand, slowly raising the left, and lowering her left leg.

It was taking every ounce of concentration within her and more to fight her body's natural reaction to him. After all, he was the only man who had ever held her in such a way. However much Deacon may have wanted the chance, she never gave it to him. Even after knowing him for seventeen years. Yet here she was, after only a week or so, letting Obi-Wan. And force was he awakening every sense within her. She doubted she would have even been able to do the first part of the movement at all had he not been there keeping her from falling.

She held the pose for but a second longer before letting her weight fall into Obi-Wan's arms and rising to stand on her feet, just a few inches from him. Again he could not help but marvel at her…how she did it, how she moved so gracefully…how appealing the movement of her chest from her deep breaths.

"Doesn't seem all that hard…." He suddenly said, a sarcastic tone coloring his voice. She laughed, a playful scoffing to her voice that managed to set his blood on fire.

"You want to try it?" _'What did I say! More physical contact…not what I need!'_

"Thought about it…but that would be more embarrassing and an insult to you I would think." She laughed again, instantly looking ashamed as though she had offended him.

"Sorry—I didn't mean to laugh," she corrected, "this meditation through motion does take some practice. Force knows I've fallen a million times, so that shouldn't stop you."

"Thanks, but I have the balance of a bantha at this point." Again Katarin heard herself laugh before she could think to stifle it. "But I might be able to best you in a light saber duel, while you best me at this."

She nodded, as though giving her consent and moved to gather her Jedi robe. She threw it lazily over her shoulder before turning back to face him, looking at him over her lenses.

"Doubtful." The door slid shut behind her. Thank the force she'd left—that smirk of hers had been so wickedly alluring. Had she stayed, surely he would have reacted, only to regret it later. **'Or would I?'**

xxxxxxxxx

She couldn't stay any longer. She felt herself being dangerously drawn to him. Absolutely and completely forbidden. The feel of his hands around her waist had affected more than she thought. And that look on his face…enough to make her throw all resolve away if she were any lesser of a woman. His eyes were such worlds all their own, and Katarin found herself more than willing to be lost in them. And yet, she hardly knew him._ 'Only one week, and already I am going weak at the knees…,'_ she thought despondently, sighing.

She knew in her right mind it all meant nothing—there were no feelings between her and Obi-Wan, other than friendship…and not even that really. At least not on her end. It was all a front—and that is all it ever would be. _'What merely happened was a physical reaction…but we are more than just this 'crude matter'—I will not let it mean anything more.'  
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well there ya have it. review if'n ya want! next chapter will be up next week. 


	6. Ch 6: Surprising freedom

i've been told to put a small warning on this chapter: one of my "editors" (as they so like to be called) gave me the Mary-Sue warning flag on this chapter. i didn't think it was so bad...but she said it smacks of being Mary-Sue-ish.  
thanks to all readers--reviewers & silent ones (i'm mostly a silent one myself...so i understand completely). anywho, enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply.

**Chapter 6: Surprising freedom **

'_WHAT!'_ Coruscant had no sky diving! Katarin knew she hated the city planet for some reason. Well, here it was. She shook her head, suddenly feeling lost and pressured under the city buildings.

How did Setti expect her to do this? He knew of that spontaneous, need-to-be-free streak of hers…so he sent her to a city-planet without much hope of escape. _'What a better place to kill that streak…or sink into depression.'_ Katarin suddenly smirked mischievously. She would do neither.

A speeder was the next best option. She flew to her quarters, quickly shedding her Jedi clothing in favor of something more befitting a race around the city. And, of course it was black—fairly form fitting black pants, black semi-off-the-shoulders cap-sleeved shirt and a dark green jacket that matched her eyes almost perfectly. Plus, it made for a nice contrast with her hair, which she took the time to straighten for her first time since arriving at the Jedi temple. For the first time in a long while, she started to feel like the Katarin Atrides she was beneath the Jedi-fake-front. Pleased with her outfit, she pulled her Jedi robe tight around her as she left her quarters.

She headed straight for the hanger in which the speeder Mater Gitan had procured waited. _'Thank the force!'_ Her face lit into an even more anxious smile at seeing no one else in the hanger. She shimmied out of her Jedi robe, the slight heel of her boot echoing louder as she fixed her jacket collar and flipped her hair back.

'**Should I come out now?'** Obi-Wan silently wondered from where he crouched, watching Katarin, having ducked from the speeder he was repairing. What was she doing—she wasn't licensed was she? He moved out from the crates, un-dampening his force aura as she mounted the bike. The breath almost caught in her throat at his sudden appearance, but she let nothing more of her reaction show.

"Katarin!" He called out over the engine in a curious greeting. **'I know you heard me.'** _'I know.'_ She turned to him and smiled innocently with a seductive edge to it as she pressed the accelerator, racing out of the hanger.

It felt great. And that look on Obi-Wan's face had been priceless. Coruscant streets at midday were near to deserted, giving Katarin plenty of freedom to fly faster then legally allowed…and much more carefree. Just how she loved. Considering she raced the things with Setti's approval, strangely enough—this was pretty lame. But freeing nonetheless. She sailed around a turn, only pausing a second to brake and shift gears before accelerating away.

A speeder came into view over her shoulder. Curiously she squinted in the mirror, having already thanked the force for no flashing lights. A challenging, determined smile graced a most handsome familiar face in the mirror. _'Well, well, well…,'_ she thought almost wickedly. She never knew Obi-Wan had it in him. It just didn't fit his golden-boy image. She pressed the accelerator harder to get further in front of him—determined to lose him.

She turned the speeder upward, darting through the traffic lanes, dodging other speeders. Surprisingly, he kept right with her. _'He's pretty good.'_ She turned her speeder straight down, kicking it into fourth gear, accelerating faster, the hum of the engine like music to her ears. She glanced for a second over her shoulder…sure enough, there he was. _'Take this Obi-Wan.'_ She pulled up hard, running parallel to the ground, just a few inches above it. She threw on the brake, halting to a stop, watching as he instantly pulled up to avoid hitting her. She watched him fly over her, and land in front of her. She hopped anxiously, excitedly off the speeder.

"Well, well, well," she said, clearly impressed, "who knew golden boy had it in him?" she said playfully.

"Don't call me that," he said, exasperation on his voice, "I hate when the others call me that…."

"But until now it seemed true." She said, her eyes alight behind her thin lenses.

"How can you judge that off speeder skills?" He asked, a knowing light in his eyes.

"Well, I'm nowhere near 'golden' and 'perfect'—"

"And you have reckless speeder skills to show for it?" He said walking closer. "So what brings you here?" He quickly asked, looking around suspiciously. He knew this neighborhood well.

"Heard there's a good club around the corner; thought I might try it out. So, if you want to head on back before I get you into trouble…feel free. Oh, and I don't care if you tell anybody…." She brushed aside that smile and light in his eyes and turned from him.

"Ravenknight…I've been there—it's not too good," Obi-Wan caught up to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her in another direction, "but we'll go somewhere else instead."

"You've been there…somewhere else? Obi-Wan…," she said mock-scolding, "now don't tell me you've actually acted as a—you're how old…24-25 year old, and had some fun." He fought back a laugh as they rounded a corner.

"Ravenknight was part of an assignment," he admitted, almost embarrassedly, "and where we're going, I have an old friend."

"Only you Obi-Wan." She laughed good-humoredly, surprised to find she didn't mind him holding her hand. "Only you." He glanced over at her, smiling as they came to the doors of a diner. 'Dex's Diner'. She had to admit the place caught her interest, and she let her eyes roam freely over Obi-Wan's shoulder as they came through the doors.

"Grab a seat hon's!" A high-pitched, nasal voiced droid on one wheel directed them with a nod. Obi-Wan quickly nodded before glancing back to the kitchen.

"Dex!" He called out warmly, catching Katarin's attention.

"Obi-Wan!" Came an equally jovial call from behind the counter. "And a lady-friend too…." At that moment did they both remember their enclosed hands.

"Of course, Dex," Obi-Wan smoothly, playfully answered, "why not?" effortlessly he brought the backside of their enclosed hands to his lips for a quick kiss. Katarin eyed him almost bug-eyed. _'Where's the real Obi-Wan?...or are you him?'_

"He's not that lucky." She quickly called back to Dex, a playful note to her voice as she brushed by Obi-Wan over to a booth, having read that all too-knowing look in Dex's eyes.

She let the rest of Obi-Wan and Dex's conversation go, quickly scanning for traces of anyone who would recognize her. Fortunately, the circles she ran in stayed relatively isolated. She dropped her shields, exposing everything for but a nanosecond as she searched deeper. …still nothing. _'Thank the force.'_ Just Obi-Wan.

She opened her eyes and watched him where he stood, still talking to Dex…and she caught herself sighing. _'Well who wouldn't…?'_ a feminine voice in the back of her head justified. As if Obi-Wan didn't even have to try to look handsome, everything else just added to it. There was such an inherent sexiness about him, that at times he seemed unaware of—which just made him all the more attractive. And today, even in chocolate brown pants, smudged with grease, and a dark-blue, slim-fitting shirt—he was certainly catching more than just Katarin's eye in the diner.

Suddenly he started for the table and unintentionally she let her eyes trail up his form to meet his eyes. Of course, he noticed.

"See something you like?" He asked alluringly as he slid into the booth. _'Damn him.'_ **'I've told you before—that's not nice.'**

"Yeah—the Gatorin moon pie sounds good." She answered, looking at the menu. **'Sneaky minx.' **_'That's right.'_

"It is very good—although the Corellian mousse is the best." He answered.

"Really?" she said, mock-doubt in her voice. _'To each his own.'_ **'Unless two both want the same thing—then what?' **_'Neither get it.'_

"Really, it is. I've had it before." He said. **'That's a dark view Katarin—doesn't give me much hope for us.'** _'Aw, I'm sorry—I'll send you some tape.'_

"Hmm…pie still sounds better." She smiled, warmly, playfully, laughingly. **'Tape?'** _'To mend your broken heart.'_

"What can I get yous two?" The nasal-voiced waitress droid was back, ready and waiting.

"All on one check—a slice of Gatorain moon pie, please and Corellian mousse. With water to drink and—" Obi-Wan turned to Katarin, "drink?"

"Water's fine." The droid rolled off back to the kitchen, order in hand. "Obi-Wan, you don't have to pay for me." She said almost embarrassedly.

"I want to more than need to, but I still need to—"

"No, please—"

"Chivalry is written in the Jedi code, so I must." He said, fake seriousness to his voice.

"Ah, so what's the protocol when you lunch with another Jedi who should also be chivalrous?" She fought back a wince—she had just called herself a Jedi.

"Gentleman should always treat ladies." He said, his eyes locking with hers again. She shook her head, finding a surprising lightness entering in her heart.

"Thank you." She said sweetly, tearing her eyes from his, glancing around the diner. "So how do you know Dex?" She asked interestedly, registering the almost embarrassed look on his face.

"We met through a friend, years ago—we've been good friends since then." _'You're lying Obi-Wan Kenobi—it's not very becoming.'_ A slight smirk came to her. **'Yeah I am lying. I'm not allowed to say how we met…it could put him at risk.'** _'Sorry I asked.'_

"Well, he seems like a nice guy." She suddenly said, knowing others might be suspicious about the silence between them.

"He is—and a great help." Help…that's it. He's something of an informer for the Jedi she guessed. Katarin smiled and nodded, looking up to see the one-wheeled waitress droid return with their order.

They made it back to the Temple a few hours later, neither too anxious to get back. But soon they parted ways with plans to meet tomorrow in the archives in a group to study. They were students after all.

Katarin then found herself alone with a smile on her face. She used to never smile—she just could not recall it ever. And now here she was. She had had a wonderful afternoon…oddly enough. _'I love spending time with him.'_

'_Or is it,'_ a darker voice whispered, '_that I love him?'_


	7. Ch 7: Whisper

since i'm outta town for the next two weeks with no computer access, i figured i should try and get two full chapters up. so here's the second one. (my "editors" revoked the Mary-Sue warning flag on this chapter..hopefully readers agree, if not let me know, and i'll work to fix it).  
anywho, i hope all readers enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply.

**Chapter 7: Whisper**

"I can honestly say you're the first person I've ever seen wearing lenses." Katarin looked casually up at the voice she was coming so well to know.

"Well Obi-Wan," she said, mock-serious, "even you must know the saying 'there's a first time for everything.'"

"Yes…how well I know that one," he agreed, sitting in a chair opposite her across the small archive table, "part of that lesson about not dealing in absolutes."

"Of course….although don't we all…." She finished under her breath as he furrowed his brows curiously.

"Sometimes I question whether you're a Jedi padawan or not." He said, a most unreadable, stoic look crossing his face. Her eyes widened in momentary shock before returning to normal as she leaned in closer to him.

"What then would I be…a Sith maybe?" She tentatively questioned, a playfully curious tone to her voice, covering a more serious concern.

"Not you," he said without hesitating, "not that I can sense at any rate," he conceded as she smiled relieved, hoping it wasn't obvious, "you just have some of the broadest, almost refreshing outlooks and views."

"I wouldn't go that far," she shrugged and shook her head indifferently, "I just had a very different time in my life before coming to the Jedi temple," _'isn't that the truth,'_ "it just helped me to see things as they should be, and not always trust what others teach me—to believe what I will, and nothing in between."

"Something so definitive could prove dangerous one day." Obi-Wan said wisely.

"Anything could, so what gives one belief more potential over others?"

"I guess it all comes from how passionately the belief is held onto." Katarin blanched, a confused smile forming on her face.

"Passion…? Coming from a Jedi? I thought only Sith dealt with such feelings."

"To Jedi its more conviction," Obi-Wan clarified, "its passion with control and reason—"

"But is there truly such a thing…? I mean—the only honest difference between us is the will to help others versus self motivation."

"Us?"

"Sith and Jedi." She quickly said, fighting back an embarrassed flush.

"Of course—and thank the force they're extinct," Katarin bit her lip ever so discreetly, "no good has come of their presence in the galaxy."

"Well I guess it all depends on your definition of 'good.'" Immediately she regretted her words, having momentarily forgotten her cover as a Jedi padawan who would see the Sith as evil. She watched a look of surprised shock cross Obi-Wan's face.

"You sound like one them Katarin…." He calmly said, more surprised than ever such words came from a fellow Jedi padawan. But yet something about that open mind of hers made him almost envious, and made her all the unique, and ultimately endearing.

"I don't mean to," she quickly said dismissively, "that's just my slightly off-kilter world view…the way I see the galaxy." She hoped that sounded honest enough—something in his eyes made her want his trust so desperately. _'Wait, why do I?'_ some voice flashed in her mind.

"Through those lenses of yours," he agreed, a light, good-humored laugh on his words, "anything is possible. And I do have to keep in mind that you are here training and not…somewhere else." She smiled, letting her eyes settle on his. She felt herself inexplicably drawn to him—maybe it was that she loved his questioning of her. He was the only one not complacent enough to not question her. And that made him seem her equal…_'at least as far as a Jedi goes.'_ She shook her head.

"You are the most interesting Jedi I have ever met." An honest smile formed on the ends on her words as she felt herself suddenly wanting to be lost in his eyes.

"You say that as though you haven't met many before…." He curiously noted, watching her olive-green eyes dance behind her lenses. She forced her eyes from his, scrambling to think of a response.

"I've met countless Jedi…but you—I don't know what it is—…truly intrigue me." She finished shrugging her shoulders embarrassedly. She found she had nothing else to say, fighting away countless disapproving thoughts. She could almost see all the thoughts he kept buried swirling around his handsome face. _'Handsome?...most certainly so,'_ a feminine voice whispered.

Obi-Wan's eyes suddenly found hers, looking almost guilty at having heard something he shouldn't have. Katarin couldn't tell if he had heard her—if he had, he chose to say nothing of it.

"Then I guess its only fair that you know you interest, captivate, amaze me even more than any other Jedi padawan has," he said softly, "more than any Jedi padawan should." A forced note rang on his voice—he knew it was wrong to deeply feel for her. But the more he came to be around her, the more his feelings became unstoppable.

"There you go again," she said, catching him by surprise, "letting passions and feelings become overrun by logic," _'did I just say 'passions'?',_ "don't you need to let go your conscience self and act on instinct?" She asked, an almost sly note to her voice, surprising even herself. He narrowed his gaze, pointed and knowing.

"Some instincts, feelings, are forbidden." She shook her head, sighing exasperatedly.

"I told you you were too smart—for your own good." She added, matching his small laugh.

"And I told you you were too confident—"

"What a pair we make." She heard herself say, her smile suddenly falling as she realized what she'd said. It seemed to hit them both as they both sat in a silence with only a whisper of awkwardness, of a thrill between them. **'We could….'** Her eyes flew to his.

"Obi-Wan?...Katarin?" Both jerked their heads at Temos' sudden voice.

"Temos!" Lenia quickly scolded, "they were having a moment, and you ruined it."

"A moment?" Katarin asked dubiously

"Never mind her," Bant quickly said, "Lenia has yet to fully understand that rule about Jedi being forbidden to love."

"Well it wasn't anything like that." Obi-Wan said, forcing a dismissive tone to his voice, as Katarin looked at him. _'I know you're lying….'_ **'They don't know that,'** he replied equally as quiet as she had.

"Well good," Temos said, clearly not caring one way or the other, "anyway onto species inhabiting systems in the outer rim."

"Most exciting to be sure." Katarin said, her voice lack for luster and she scrolled through a data pad Bant set on the table.

"You guys have at it," Temos said, "Bant and I are going to go see what else we can find on the archive shelves." Obi-Wan and Lenia nodded in agreement as Katarin poured through the information in front of her.

"Oh curses." Katarin's head shot up, laughter clearly written across her face as she fought to keep it silent.

"Pardon?" She looked curiously at Obi-Wan, her mirth evident.

"I left some information on the natives of Yavin in my quarters."

"I didn't think Yavin was in the outer rim," she quickly said, furrowing her brows, "is it?"

"I don't know," he said rising from the table, "but we'll soon find out." She shook her head, fighting back a laugh.

"Forgetful."

"Perfectionist." _'Force help us—we sound like an old married couple!'_ "I'll be back," he quickly said on the end of his laughter, "Lenia, Katarin." His gaze lingered for but a second before turning. Katarin turned back to her water bottle, still gazing at the data pad. Part of her was dying to feel like her old self again, but another part of her loved these new feelings.

"You love him don't you?" Katarin could have choked at Lenia's sudden words.

"What?" She sputtered.

"You're in love with Obi-Wan aren't you?" Lenia asked more eagerly.

"No—Si-Jedi are forbidden to love." Katarin quickly corrected, glad to see Lenia glaze over it.

"Oh please—you're into him, he's into you…," Lenia said, shaking her head, almost annoyed at Katarin's blatant dismissal. "I must say I'm a little jealous. But you two work well together—he's like the Golden boy, and you're the dark, rebel-rouser." _'If only you knew how dark….'_

"I thought Jedi didn't get jealous…."

"Same as love—it's forbidden…but we're only all human. No one is perfect." Lenia argued back.

" 'Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.'"

"Wow that's dark. I've not heard that Jedi-saying before."

"It's not one." Katarin answered without really thinking about it.

"Then who's is it?" Katarin suddenly smirked almost evilly at Lenia, more then ready for a little fun.

"The Sith." Katarin hissed, releasing a pulse of suppressed dark feelings and a dark flash in her eyes. Lenia jerked back, eyes wide with borderline fear.

"You're…you're not…not supposed to know their teachings unless you're…you're a…" Lenia stuttered, trying not to think on those feelings that had just surrounded her.

"Calm down Lenia," Katarin said, lightening the force and her appearance, "I'm not. I know some of their sayings only because Master Gitan thought it wise to give me some insight into my enemy."

"But the force…you said that word…and I felt…felt cold, alone…."

"Are you sure?" Katarin asked innocently, knowing hidden deep in her green eyes.

"Yes," Lenia said confidently as she rose, reading that look in Katarin's eyes all to well, regarding Katarin suspiciously, almost terrified even, "and it came from you. I know it." Lenia turned on her heels and fled. Katarin watched her go, tilting her head to the side, biting her lip in satisfaction. _'That was fun.'_ And it had felt so good to use those powers she'd so long been suppressing. Pain cut through the back of her head most unexpectedly.

"Whoa…." She mumbled quietly, bringing a hand up to rest over the throbbing back-half of her skull. _'Damn that master-apprentice bond!'_ Setti knew what she just did—knew her drawing on her dark-side powers. Another wave passed through her head. And he was not pleased. Once again, she supposed she deserved it…even though it had been great fun and a small release to use her hidden powers, it was risky and dangerous for her. Surely Lenia would tell her master…or her master would find out, and Gitan would find out…then it would come full circle back to her.

She sighed expectantly, rubbing the back of her head and popping her neck before finding herself able to concentrate on the work before her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

She couldn't really say how much time had passed—Temos and Bant had long left, as had Lenia. She looked up from her work at hearing footsteps, most eager to see a smiling face. _'A _smiling_ face…?'_ some voice in the back of her head said disgustedly.

"Hey you." She said as Obi-Wan rounded a corner and headed her way.

"How far are you?" He asked as he sat opposite her, opening the file in his hands.

"Far…but not far enough I fear." She answered, fighting to suppress a yawn. He looked up and smiled interestedly.

"You sound tired." His eyes focused on the rod permanently between her eyes. He'd never before seen it without the lenses attached.

"What?" She asked interestedly, curiously, noticing his fixed eyes on her.

"I've just…never seen you without your lenses attached," he raised two fingers to his nose indicating the bar, "it makes you look…I don't know…like a rebel or something." He heard himself say before instantly regretting how foolish it sounded. She laughed lightly and instinctively brushed her thumb against an end of the rod.

"Of course…that's why I did it you know," she said good humouredly, "sorry if it makes you uncomfortable—I can put my lenses back on."

"No, no," he quickly stopped her, "I rather like it—adds to your uniqueness and there's not enough of that here." A genuine smile crossed her face before she lowered her eyes and started rifling through the many layers of the paper on the table.

"Well I'm staring at least three chapters worth of reading in the face, so," she rose from the table, book in hand, "I'll leave you with some of these problems and I'm gonna go sprawl on the couch and read." He nodded quickly before turning back to his work as she walked towards the couch.

As if, just by his inherent nature, he wasn't working his way through her ice barriers and into her heart…he had to be sweet on top of it all. _'All the more reason to go read on a couch by myself…away from him—especially this late at night…,'_ she thought with an almost downcast note to her voice, before she could think not to—hoping to the force he hadn't heard her.

Not that the governing systems of species on outer rim planets like Tatooine were not interesting, Katarin still found herself dozing in and out of consciousness. It had only grown later and the archives had grown much quieter. In fact, she was beginning to suspect she was the only one who had stayed so late…but really it wasn't by her choosing. The data file lay across her chest from where she half-laid, half-sat on the sofa, head propped against a pillow. Through and through, Katarin could say she felt relaxed and under no pressure. Oddly enough…. Things at the Temple were finally starting to fall into place, and she was beginning to even experience contentment being in the Temple, the voices beneath her mental shields fading away. She lay in an almost asleep state, convincing herself she would rise and continue reading.

'_Not happening…,'_ her mind groggily corrected her. The falls of soft footsteps distantly reached her ears, but still she lay motionless as though asleep. She heard a breathy, almost silent laugh and could sense the mirth of the person looking on her. Suddenly the cushion she was sitting on sank under the weight of another. Her heart started to race and her mind snapped to a more alert state. No sooner had he sat down than she knew him—knew him just by the feel of his warmth. _'Obi-Wan.'_

"Only you Katarin would fall asleep in the Jedi archives…," he said, almost playfully scolding, yet with an admiring tone to his voice, filling Katarin with surprise. But surprise quickly gave way under a warm thumb caress that fell against her cheek. The warmth from his simple touch was spreading quickly throughout her and she fought to keep her breathing normal, still feigning sleep. Two lips brushed against hers, ever so gently, ever so teasingly…before disappearing altogether. The weight left the cushion and retreating footsteps pierced the silence.

Katarin lay in shock—her eyes flew open and let a deep breath leave her. Obi-Wan had just kissed her…a not entirely unwelcome thing she was surprised to discover. An excited smile and blush spread to her face as she rolled over on the pillow, remembering the faint feel of his lips against hers. She knew in her mind of minds that one simple kiss should be forbidden and forgotten just as quickly, but knew in her heart of hearts she wanted not much more.

* * *

well there starts their beyond-friends relationship. review if'n ya want. next chapter will be up in roughly two weeks or so.  
(i'm also working on a "Batman Begins" fic...so i hope to gets lots of writing done during the long car trips). 


	8. Ch 8: Full circle

long car trips are great for many reasons--they afford one lots of time to stare off into space, listen to almost every CD in one's collection & to do lots of writing. so here we go with chapter 8. thanks to those who read & review! not a lot of action in this chapter...but it sets it all up for later. so, anywho, hopefully it does not disappoint.

same warnings & disclaimer apply.

**Chapter 8: Full Circle **

Sure enough, Katarin had fallen asleep in the archives not soon after Obi-Wan left. But still the knowledge of his stolen kiss had lingered in her mind from the moment she had awoken to find her back stiff with tightness. For reasons beyond her, that memory just would not stop haunting her or occupying her mind. She quickly left the archives, resolving to solve not only her physical discomfort, but her useless mental excitement with physical meditation. And then run off to meet them all for lunch.

"Where have you been all morning?" Bant asked curiously as Katarin effortlessly slid into a chair.

"Meditating," Katarin answered, her voice blank of emotion, "I fell asleep in the archives and awoke to the most unforgivable stiffness."

"I know what you mean," Temos agreed, setting his glass down, "those archive couches would send anyone to a chiropractor." The small group laughed, and Katarin let a smile spread to her face, especially as her eyes settled on Obi-Wan's whose seemed to harbor knowing and excitement.

"My morning was close to the same—except I spent it sparring with my master," Bant said, rubbing her shoulder in a circle, "she insisted that I work on these more advanced maneuvers. I know she means well, but oh, what I wouldn't do for a day of rest."

"Only in your dreams Bant…or when we're all masters." Obi-Wan said lazily.

"If then even…." Katarin finished, turning towards Bant as Lenia nodded in seemingly forced agreement.

"That's a rather bleak assessment Katarin," Lenia suddenly said, trying to sound pleasant, but with an unmistakable accusing note to her voice.

"Well, depends on your point of view." Katarin simply answered, her voice clipped and composed. Obi-Wan could not help but marvel at how collected Katarin sounded in the face of accusations and unpleasantries. **'At her level of stoicism**,' he reasoned, **'she could pass for a master.'**

"Atrides," she spun around to suddenly see Master Gitan behind her, hands on her chair, "a moment."

"Of course sir." She quickly responded, rising from her chair, nodding at the now silent group of Padawan learners who were fighting to hide their gapes and stares. Katarin rose unflinching from her seat and silently followed Master Gitan from the room, hands folded preparedly behind her back.

"Oh……" Temos breathed, a slight laugh on his voice, shock in his eyes at what trouble Katarin was in.

"What did she do?" Bant asked concernedly, anxiously surprised and afraid for Katarin—rarely did masters address their padawan's by last name, unless they were due for major punishment. Bant was worried for Katarin, but immensely curious.

"I know what she did." Lenia spoke up, almost gleefully, trying to hide her smile. "She used the dark side of the force on me." Obi-Wan's eyes widened in lost confusion.

xxxxxxxxxx

Katarin walked silently by Gitan's side, well aware of why he summoned her.

"I felt a dark disturbance in the force from you yesterday, Katarin," Gitan began smoothly, "you need to control your emotions more readily—no matter how much 'fun' it may be."

"Of course Master." She said quietly.

"I would not have you giving yourself away to the other side so easily." Gitan warned as Katarin caught his meaning.

"I understand perfectly—I will be more mindful in future situations Master. You need not fear my betrayal."

"Very well my apprentice." He nodded at her, a knowing look in his eye as she nodded, fully understanding his meaning. Effortlessly, he turned from her and glided into the lift before the doors closed behind him, leaving her standing there, hands still folded behind her back. _'Now to walk back….'_ She knew the rumors would be flying and everyone at that table and the surrounding ones would want to know what that was all about. Well at least anyone overhearing their conversation would think it cryptic enough. Just as Master Gitan had intended it to be.

She made it halfway back to the lounge, when she decided against it. Nothing good would come of her return—and she would only be bombarded with questions. Not that she wouldn't get questions eventually, but she needed time to think first. '_And the gardens are the perfect place.'_

xxxxxxxxxxxx

That one moment last night had been so liberating, and now to shut it all down again was torture to Katarin. She longed to feel like herself again…but she could not, not here. Her hands formed an open triangle in her lap as she sat on a bench in the gardens, her legs crossed underneath her, meditating. Attempting to re-submerge everything that threatened to surface earlier.

A smile spread across her face. She was coming to know his warm, soothing presence so well. She opened her eyes and met with the gentle gray/blue eyes of Obi-Wan.

"Mind if I join you?" He softly, almost tentatively asked, nodding to the bench.

"Not at all." Some voice in the back of her head was screaming, but Katarin chose not to listen. She liked his closeness to much to let it go. He sat beside her, tucking his legs underneath him much as Katarin had done. He noted with curiosity the triangle she formed with her hands as her eyes drifted shut again and she dove back into her meditation.

He let it go and closed his own eyes, content in her unique, serene presence beside him. He felt as though what was missing from his force aura came from her—this calm, controlled, almost cool air about her. And he was most eager to have it surround him completely. But still, Lenia's words rang through his head. **'Maybe that's why she is so unique…and so different….'**

"You didn't do it, did you?" Obi-Wan suddenly asked, unable to stop himself. She paused for but a second, a thought of recognition running through her mind.

"Do what?" She asked quickly, hoping to feign innocence, but finding a dismissive tone to her voice.

"You know damn well what." He spat back, his voice suddenly devoid of emotion. He couldn't believe it true, but he had heard that thought of hers. **_'About Lenia and the force—damn it….'_**

"Obi-Wan, I did—"

"You did, Katarin. I heard you."

"What does that matter?" She turned to face him, brushing her knees against his as she sat cross legged. "I've been scolded for what happened—or what Lenia said happened. You've searched my thoughts, feelings, heart—did you see that anywhere in me?" She looked directly at him, desperate to break that unreadable look on his face.

"I thought I knew you." He smoothly replied.

"You still do." She answered quietly. Why she was so desperate for his trust again she could not say. A part of her was sickened by it, the other part fiercely determined and hopeful. Suddenly she took his hand in hers and placed in on her right-upper-chest, near her shoulder.

"Look deeper then." Even she was blown away by the sincerity of her voice as she boosted her mental shields. He looked at her, awe-struck, unable to believe she was asking him—**'surely she couldn't have called upon forces so dark. She would not be so willing….'**

Already having made up his mind, he knew he should have pulled back, but instead searched her farther. The warmth from him engulfed her. Her eyes drifted shut as she became a passive observer in her own mind and feelings. He paused as he glossed over her mental shields, respecting her desire to keep parts of her life hidden—force knows he did the same.

Everything about her was just so…unique. No other woman in the Jedi Temple was like Katarin. A slight content smile spread onto his face, especially as he came across her memories of their meetings since her arrival. He pulled back into himself, letting his eyes open. He met her calm light olive eyes that were awaiting an answer.

"I should not have been so quick to judge…and for that I am sorry." He said quietly, mentally scolding himself.

"I understand Obi-Wan. You've known Lenia for years and me for weeks. It's only instinct." He looked up, pulling his hand from her chest with her hand in his gentle grasp. He pressed it firmly against his upper chest, near his shoulder, much as she had done, as she looked at him in surprise, trying to mask her excitement. She had so wanted the opportunity she'd given him.

"I've seen the inner workings of you," he said before raising his eyes, "least I can do is offer you a glimpse at the inner workings of me." He smiled almost sheepishly, expectantly. And without realizing it, she found something inherently alluring about it. But without a second's pause she reached out to him.

Her presence in his mind was anything but warm, but it was refreshing and most welcome. It was more peaceful and serene in the stillest way imaginable. The image he kept seeing and feeling was that of a crisp, refreshing winter-wind. Just a hint of something bitter but nothing more. He found it almost comforting. Everything he was feeling she could feel. She found herself coming more and more to love the force aura around him—so pure and innocent even. Made her wish to be apart of him…to share in everything he felt.

"Obi-Wan!" Instantly she pulled back, her eyes snapping open as the breath caught in her throat. He looked just as startled as she did.

"Obi-W—," Lenia rounded the corner, a look of shock spreading onto her face at the sight before her, "there you are." Her tone instantly changed in that moment at the sight of Obi-Wan and Katarin sitting knee-to-knee with their legs crossed underneath them, him holding her hand to his upper-chest.

"Yes…here I am." Obi-Wan stuttered around the words, truly unable to think of anything to say. He glanced at Katarin feeling her embarrassment through her flushed skin and suddenly realized he was still holding her hand. He quickly let it go and turned back to Lenia.

"I was really just wondering if you'd seen Katarin around—but I should have known—and here you are." Katarin nodded, a fake smile on her face as she folded her hands idly in her lap. A slight awkward silence fell between the three of them as Lenia met Katarin's fake smile.

"I just wanted to extend my apologies," Lenia suddenly said, with a tone that smacked of being sympathetic when really she wasn't, "I hope Master Gitan kept your punishment within the proper realm and didn't overdo it."

"He dealt with it accordingly," Katarin replied, her voice devoid of all feeling, cold and clipped, "and I am to reassure you nothing of the sort will ever happen in the first place." Obi-Wan marveled at how respectful and collected Katarin was handling it. **'She sounds like a general…or a politician….'**

"What do you mean 'happen in the first pace'? It happened! And you've everyone so blind to it—that they don't see you're on the dark side." _'Damn this girl is good…,'_ a dark voice in the back of Katarin's mind whispered.

"Lenia—don't. You can't prove what you felt was caused by Katarin." Obi-Wan said calmly, sensing the waves of anger and frustration from Lenia.

"Obi-Wan don't listen to her! You'll fall with her into darkness if you do!" Lenia was practically shouting and Katarin bit back a laugh and a smile at Lenia's dramatics. Lenia was reminding her so much of those girls she'd read about in stories who cried out, as though possessed, in order to get women accused of witchcraft—back before the realization of the force. Obi-Wan turned towards Katarin and met with that look of hers so unreadable, so stoic…he doubted even Yoda could know her true thoughts.

"Lenia…I get no such feelings from her." He said softly, turning back to Lenia, whose mouth was slightly agape.

"Of course you don't…you see only what she feeds you. And you believe it," Lenia said in disbelief, "check beneath her mental shields! I'm sure its all there." Katarin had grown increasingly nervous under her words and lowered her head nervously, biting her lip. Obi-Wan looked from Lenia to Katarin in disbelief. That look unreadable was still there, but he could sense some anger…anger and nervousness even?

"Not everyone has a past they wish to reveal to the whole world," Obi-Wan said softly, "force knows I do." He finished solemnly. A deep silence fell between them and Katarin found herself wishing she had words, but could find none—only a wave of sadness passing surprisingly through her heart at Obi-Wan's words.

"Master Parin says a Jedi should have no skeletons to hide…that a Jedi is only fully aware of his surroundings when he is fully open in his mind…" Lenia trailed off seemingly frustrated or shocked, "then Katarin must be turning you fully from the light to the darkness." A note of sadness hinged on her voice before she quickly turned away. Katarin had never seen Obi-Wan looking so lost…so helpless even. And somehow, through the voice cursing Lenia's observant intelligence, it tore at Katarin's heart. Lenia had no right to be blaming Obi-Wan blindly. She had every right to attack and suspect Katarin, but not him. He was about the only one who was innocent of it.

"She had no right to accuse you like that." Katarin heard herself say.

"Nor does she have a right to accuse you." Obi-Wan said pointedly, hoping to brush the conversation away from him, finding pity to be most unbecoming. Katarin blinked hard and shook her head quickly—suddenly disgusted with herself at the thought of lying. He noticed and looked curiously at her.

"She has every right to suspect me…," she started, quickly scolding herself for doing so, "she doesn't know me…so of course she has a right to doubt me."

"No—that's no reason at all," Obi-Wan said, shocked that Katarin thought like that, "you are still a student here and that alone should be enough of a reason for Lenia to trust you and sense that you are on the same side as she." Katarin met his eyes and felt all at once guilty and horrible—much to the annoyance of screaming voices hidden away under her mental shields.

"If only you knew…." She whispered silently, dejectedly as she lowered her eyes from his. A look of such compassion, sadness, longing had never before crossed Obi-Wan's face and he knew that whatever was hidden beneath Katarin's mental shields was putting her through hell. And something deep inside his heart wanted to make all her pain go away—wanted her only to smile and be free from it all. She suddenly raised her head, having her usual composed, stoic look to her face and breathing deep.

"Sorry Obi-Wan, I shouldn't have let myself go like that….shouldn't have let Lenia get to me." She rose quickly, forcing all thoughts of that pained look on Obi-Wan's face out of her mind. _'After all, why should I care?'_

"Katarin don't go." He said softly, more pleading than commanding or demanding.

"I must. I fear I will say things I regret if I stay." She answered truthfully. She found herself wanting to tell him everything. He hid real life beneath the surface and hers was only fake…for the most part. She deserved no ounce of his care or compassion, however much a voice in her heart was screaming for it.

"Sometimes those are things we most need to say." He suddenly, wisely said. She looked down at him, her eyes pleading with him beneath her thin lenses. And for a moment she was tempted…tempted to fall into those eyes of his and never return, never look back. _'If only I could…you're all I want…you're everything….'_ She shook her head, and fled from the gardens, absolutely sick, disgusted, angry with herself.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Katarin reached her quarters in double quick time. Thank the force Gitan was nowhere to be found.

"Damn you Katarin!" She hissed through her teeth, raking her fingers through her curls. "Almost give yourself away…and all to those damned eyes of his!" _'Those beautiful damned eyes…,'_ a voice in her head corrected. She shut her eyes, forcing away such thoughts. She couldn't do this to herself. Thinking on him was going to lead to nothing but trouble. Of that she was certain. Besides, clinging and attachments were forbidden…they only succeeded in making a person weak. And weak was something Katarin would never willingly become. She caught her reflection in a mirror, and stared at it, suddenly laughing downheartedly.

"Well just look at me now…." She whispered to no one. She unsnapped her lenses and fell face first onto the sofa. Automatically her thoughts turned back to Obi-Wan. And she hated herself for it.

Around him, she felt as she'd never felt before. It was as though his eyes could look through her heart and see everything. Every time he smiled, a part of her could not help but think it only for her. And ever since that night in the archives…his hand smoothly caressing her neck, his lips teasing hers every so gently…she was pretty sure she knew his feelings towards her. She still wasn't sure he knew that she had been partly awake.

No matter—it kept their relationship from getting awkward. Because out of all the relationships in her life—however much it went again her better judgment—she treasured the one with Obi-Wan the most. She knew that now.

She sighed deeply into the cushion, still trying to nail why Obi-Wan meant so much to her. '_He makes me feel…life.'_ That was it. He made her feel alive and that maybe, just maybe, her life had a purpose and was worth a damn.

'_But I don't need that! He should be respecting me! Fearing me! All these Jedi should. I could kill them quicker than they realize!'_ Her mind started reeling. Damn this place! It was ruining her and everything she was, slowly siphoning her power away, reducing her to nothingness. _'No more.'_ No more friends, no more distractions. She'd found her focus, her mission objective, and would not fail.

* * *

that's it for this chapter. review if'n ya want. next chapter should be up soon. 


	9. Ch 9: Determination and disappointment

hello all. thanks for the reviews! here we go with the next chapter. a bit of weak chapter on its own, but it fits in the scope of the story (sets up stuff for later).

A note to Audra Laudarque--yes you can use the Meditation through motion. I actually got the idea while doing yoga, and that's what I based if off of (just a much more advanced form), so I can't really claim it as my own. But feel free to add it in your story.

same warnings & discalimer apply.

**Chapter 9: Determination and disappointment **

Fortunately enough, it was waiting for Katarin on the table the very next morning. A message from Setti. A black data pad in the midst of a clear-glass table.

"

Atrides—

Travel plans of Jedi Ambassadors to Malastare will be passing from Master Mace Windu to Master Qui-Gon Jinn within days. In the early morning tomorrow, the data pad will lie unattended. Create a duplicate copy and arrive at transport pad C19 promptly at 2100.

"

She knew both those names. Windu, simply because he was on the council and one of the wisest Jedi in the order, and Jinn since he was Obi-Wan's master. _'The fool…fools. Every single one of the Jedi.'_ And sure enough, the plans had been right where the data pad had informed her. Lying idly, unattended as though it was nothing more than trash. It was as though they knew someone would be trying to take them…and the thought had crossed her mind, but Gitan assured her there was not even a whisper of doubt amongst the council.

'_Who knew Jedi could be so efficient and helpful without trying…,'_ she smirked, shaking her head mock-scolding from her seat in the transporter. Suddenly Setti's words echoed in her head. **_'Never underestimate your enemy—that only leads to your own demise. Estimate them to be as strong as you, then you're almost guaranteed to never lose.'_**

Katarin huffed silently. Just the mere thought of even imaging a Jedi to be as powerful as her made her sick, and want to laugh. She was so beyond any of the Jedi padawans she associated with.

"Even Obi-Wan." She muttered to herself. _'Even Obi-Wan, with his deep eyes, intelligence, and handsome smile.'_ Her eyes shut in frustration. She could have sworn she vowed not to think of him as anything but her enemy ever again. _'Yet here I am….'_ She sighed heavily.

This voyage and mission were proving to be nothing more than a mass of contradictions, filing her life with one thing. Uncertainty—that in of itself made her feel powerless. And before being sent to the Jedi Temple, her life held certainty and power.

And now, Katarin sat in a transport, speeding to a waiting Setti, fighting a mess of feelings and thoughts. Not only were random thoughts of Obi-Wan skittering through her mind, but for the first time in her life, there was fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of Setti, fear of him reading her feelings and thoughts—she couldn't say for sure, but just the mere, unshakable presence of it was discomforting. Not even the familiar texture of her black robes, straight hair and dark makeup were comforting or helpful in quelling her fear. _'I just have to bury it…deep inside, with Black Moon. Some place not even Setti could find it,'_ she reasoned. Katarin snapped her lenses off and closed her eyes, breathing deep, focusing for some deep meditation.

She wasn't even sure the transport had landed when the captain informed her of Setti's anxiousness to see her. And so, with route maps and flight plans in hand, Katarin stiffly walked towards the control room.

Master Setti was sure to be there, ready and waiting for her delivery. And confidently could she hand these over—the Jedi weren't going to change and no one knew of her duplicate copy.

The releasing of compressed air filled the lift as she sighed deeply before stepping into the control room.

"I trust you have them, Katarin." A soft, commanding, powerful voice said, floating up from a high-back chair.

"Of course Master Setti," Katarin nodded obediently, respectfully, as she handed the plans to a technician, "the Jedi expect this area to be filled with ships unfriendly to the Gran, so the presence of fighters won't startle them."

"On that, we will see," Setti said wisely, "Jedi are known for being cautious even though they know to expect trouble." She nodded, feeling some anger at being treated like a child, but quickly let it go before Setti could sense it.

"Coming up on screen, sir." The technician simply said as the opaque image of the planned route showed over the actual route the transports were taking. Katarin sighed silently and turned to go. _'Why am I so jumpy!'_

"Katarin I would hate for you to miss this." Setti calmly said, not even rising an eyebrow.

"Of course sir." She said, fighting to keep the unwillingness out of her voice. She clasped her hands behind her back as she stood behind a railing that ran behind Setti's chair. Katarin watched anxiously, doubt and borderline fear of the coming few minutes attempting to consume her mind, creeping out from beneath her shields.

'**She doubts her self-confidence—uncertainty is plaguing her. The temple has made her weak.**' Setti made the mental note. He turned his eyes back to the screen.

So far so good. These plans were accurate. The Jedi transports were following the exact path Katarin had brought. If all the recon information Katarin brought was as accurate as this flight plan, than every movement made by Jedi could be tracked. What a better way to slowly pick off the Jedi order then to know their locations ahead of time and attack from there.

"Sir, they're not turning." Katarin's heart stopped and her eyes flew to the screen.

"The fighters might be too close—back them off." She ordered, quickly, thinking of something to do to make them turn. The only thoughts filling her mind were that of torture, pain at Setti's hand, his discovery of everything she'd worked to hide. _'Turn!'_ In the last second, the transports went hard-right, back on track.

"For a moment, I almost lost faith in you Katarin." Setti smoothly commented.

"Understandably so, sir." She quietly agreed, feeling her heart rate slow to normal. _'That would be twice he could have lost faith in me,'_ she thought quietly.

'**Good girl,'** Setti unnoticeably smirked, **'she hides feelings and thoughts well for someone of her skill level…but not well enough for a master.'** Oh yes, Setti knew of the Black Moon. Knew of her experiences in the Jedi temple, the first-time presence of fear clouding her mind. He could see the weakness in her growing, the tiny fissure breaking through her shields and determined will. But he also knew of the fierce inner strength the young woman possessed, and felt certain she would rise above her shortcomings and personal mistakes to be something more. And if not of her own volition, he would help her to do just that. Of that he was certain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning didn't dawn early enough for Katarin. Considering she had been up since 0500 Coruscant time the previous day, and now at 0800 the next day, Katarin had still had no sleep. She could tell by the look in Setti's eyes that she looked horrible. _'And who wouldn't…,'_ she sleepily reasoned.

But thank the force Setti had finally released her and sent her back to Coruscant. He had seemed pleased enough with the accuracy of the delivered information, so much so that he had not informed her when their next meeting would be. And for the time being, that suited Katarin perfectly.

She only wanted sleep, and she hated having to leave behind all traces of her true self—the black robes, straight hair, black eye makeup— all sense of power and surety vanished when she returned to the drab beige and brown. And suddenly, as the transport clunked to an unusually rough stop at the Jedi temple, a general feeling of powerlessness washed over her. She reasoned it would fade away once she slept, but somewhere in her heart of hearts she doubted it. _'What is happening to me?'_ she wondered dopily as she walked through a sunny, warm, almost deserted corridor.

"Katarin?" She turned at the soft, sure voice behind her.

"Hi Temos." She said, fighting back a yawn.

"Are you alright? You look terrible." He said, concern filling his green eyes.

"I'm fine. I was just up all night—heading off to bed right now."

"Won't Master Gitan kill you for that?" Temos asked curiously. "Wasting a day sleeping?"

"It was Master Gitan who had me set up all night, working," Katarin quickly explained, noting the look of sheer disbelief on Temos' face, "but he'll let me sleep today. He knows my accomplishments and a day spent resting is deserved."

"Lucky you," Temos said, a hint of envy tainting his voice, "oh, Obi-Wan was looking for you last night—something about returning a data pad of some kind…." He trailed off, as Katarin could only stare back at him blankly.

"Oh!" She suddenly said, shaking her head—feeling every inch the stupid fool—as realization finally dawned on her. "Yeah, thanks, I'll find him later." She said, a diplomatic note to her voice.

"Right—go get some sleep before you fall over." Temos agreed as he turned from her, smiling good-humoredly. She shook her head, fighting back an amused smile, as she continued towards her quarters, mentally noting to find Obi-Wan sometime.

Right now, Katarin needed eleven or so hours to sleep, and she would be herself again, ready and fully determined to carry on with her mission.

* * *

well thats it for now. drop a line if'n ya want. next chapter up in a week or so. 


	10. Ch 10: Ultimately

hello all. sorry for the long delay--busy hectic week...but its almost over (woo-hoo!). anywho--chapter 10. thanks to all reviewers & faithful readers! you guys motivate me to keep writing & posting this story and others soon to come.

same warnings & disclaimer apply

**Chapter 10: Ultimately**

That ever familiar humming sound was music to Katarin's ears. It had been too long since she'd held a lightsaber. _'If only it was red….'_

Even so, it felt good to move, to hold the powerful weapon in her hands, to feel the force flow through her and the weapon. She was amazed at how well and easily she could handle the Jedi lightsaber with its naturally mined crystals. She could have sworn she'd heard Setti say something about needing different force auras to work with the different lightsaber crystals. But that was years ago that she learned about lightsabers….

She shook her head quickly, shaking such thoughts away, as she wiped at her head with a towel. Those thoughts would only distract her. She was alone in a small practice room, giving her the perfect opportunity to work on the more advanced moves she had been learning as of late under Setti's teachings. As a Padawan learner, she should not be as advanced in her fighting skills or even some of her force controlling skills, but as student of the Dark Side, she was right on track. She wiped her forehead one last time before focusing on the hovering lightsaber in front of her.

'**_You're more in focus when you're less in focus,'_** Setti had once told her. And having seen the way he swiftly moved around her, blocking and dodging every one of her blows, she believed it true. But at first, she was at a loss at his words. His explanation came simply when he held his lightsaber in midair through the force and proceeded to effortlessly, acrobatically back flip over it, landing squarely, with the lightsaber unmoved.

All Katarin could remember was standing in awe, eager for the day she would be capable of such control. **_'Your insatiable appetite for such power is admirable…but it will come with time, my apprentice.'_** Hearing Setti's wise words in her head, she faced the still hovering blade, licking her lips, determined to get it right this time.

She breathed deep and kicked upwards. She tucked her knees together and up, seeing the blade out of the corner of her eye as she pulled her arms in tight. She concentrated all available mind power on the blade. But instantly, both she and the blade fell back to the padded gym floor. She landed on her upper-back close to her neck, the rest of her body rolling over her, spilling her right arm directly over the still-lit lightsaber.

"OW!" She jerked her arm up, her left hand instinctively flying to the burned skin. She grimaced, taking a deep breath, mentally cursing her own weakness. Slowly she pulled her left hand back and looked at the burned, bleeding wound running across her upper right arm. _'Well that'll teach me to do better,'_ she thought determinedly, shaking her head and sighing deeply.

No matter how many times she worked at what Setti showed her, she couldn't quite get it. Every time that she had attempted it today, she had fallen. She just couldn't muster the full concentration to guide her movements and maintain the blade's steady position. Not only would she have to up her training time, she mentally noted as she rose, blade in hand, but also her meditation time.

'**Katarin…I thought I sensed you in here.'** She spun around to face the door. Obi-Wan's usual gray-blue eyes found hers and without even asking she knew why he had chosen to come at this time.

"Don't you have class?" She asked curiously, walking over towards him, her bare feet leaving slight imprints in the padded floor.

"Not today," he answered calmly, approaching her, unlit lightsaber in hand, "looks like you've been here awhile already." He said, fully noting her sweat-streaked forehead, the skin around her black-spaghetti-strap shirt glistening, and…the rather long burn across her right arm. "And seem to have had an accident….." He said, a caring note to his voice.

"Stupid really," she said, mentally chiding herself again for her earlier weakness in skill, "but it's happened before, and I won't let it again." She said resolutely.

"But 'history repeats itself—first as tragedy," he glanced at the burn on her arm, "the second time as—"

"'Farce', yes" she finished quickly, "but what if it was farce the first time?" She questioned, turning her head sideways, glaring at him challengingly, a smile playing across her face. He shook his head frustratingly, a playful smile spreading across his usually unreadable face.

"You talk a lot for person who is seizing up her opponent…." He noted.

"I'm a woman—I can multi-task like that," she said shrugging her shoulders, crossing her foot behind her and switching directions, "besides there is always the hope that idle talk will distract the opponent from seizing you up." She watched as he purposely let his eyes travel up and down her trim form, taking in her loose white pants, black top and slight amount of skin showing between the two.

"Not possible." He said, shaking his head, smiling as she rolled her eyes. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"You won't be for long…" She trailed off, holding her lit blade between her two hands at the ready. He moved in a flash and energy met energy. The electric sounds of lightsabers clashing together and flying through the air was the only sound to be heard, expect of course for their heavy, rapid breathing. His movements were so fluid…so connected. Not even Setti had this polished of an air about his movements. But that only made her want to work harder against Obi-Wan, to give him a run for his money and see just how far his smoothness would take him.

He continued smoothly counteracting her blows and parries, amazed by the rawness with which she seemed to fight. Katarin had some skills…there was no denying that, but never had he met with a Padawan who was lacking in fluidity with the force and movements, yet Katarin's unpolished, even aggressive fighting still was strangely refreshing to him. **'Aggressive…a Jedi?'** A moment—she shot her right hand towards Obi-Wan and he flew back a few feet, that look of mental-berating on his face as some much needed space was put between them.

Her blade hummed at her side as she rested a hand on her hip, breathing deep. She hadn't expected a Padawan to be so skilled…. It was surprising…and great all at the same time, since it made for excellent sparing. **'Thank you.'** She smirked, narrowing her eyes as they locked on his, and she shook her head.

'_You're so cocky sometimes…'_

'**You should be too, you know. You're the best of the students I've sparred with.'** She wished she could say the same. And honestly, a part of her thought she could…but she knew more than she was unleashing on Obi-Wan. However much she wanted to go full strength, drawing on every bit of her lightsaber training, she couldn't—that would give her away too easily.

"Go again?" She asked, bringing the blade back between her hands.

"Of course—can't have you spreading around that you won…." Another flash move of his and he was right in front her, his blade swiping centimeters from her face. But hers was right there to meet his and just that quickly, round two had begun.

Force it was getting harder for her to use self-restraint. His moves were steadily getting more and more involved and harder to block using simple maneuvers. If it came to a lock down, his strength against hers, he would win hands down…and she couldn't lose to him. Yet, a part of her wanted to…to submit to him, hopefully drawing him in closer….

Obi-Wan could sense her mind was working as she was fighting so skillfully and he marveled at that. She was just a Padawan…she wouldn't even have some of the higher level saber training that Master Jinn had started teaching him. Yet she was thinking on things other than fighting, yet still putting up one hell of a fight.

Not once had she given him an opening or a chance. Suddenly she ducked, spinning low on her feet and coming up slightly behind him, blade brandished and waiting. He felt a smirk tugging at his lips. '**So she does have some advanced training….'** A smirk formed across his face as he started to draw from his all his saber training as the spar was suddenly kicked up a notch. His blade flew past her face and she moved hers with breakneck speed to catch it before it hit her arm. She met with all the strength she could muster, and found herself surprisingly in a lockdown with him.

Their blades pushed against each other, pitting bodyweight against bodyweight. This was how matches were won or lost. She focused all she could muster and their blades moved away from her arm, up above their heads. Balancing her strength against his, she shifted her hands around on the lightsaber handle and leapt up, twisting her body in a flip around their blades and over his head, using the constant pressure from their clashing blades to provide a steady enough griping point. She landed squarely on her feet, spinning around, ready for more….

'_Wait…is that clapping?'_ She looked frantically over at the door where Obi-Wan's eyes were already glued.

Yoda and group of younglings, all not much taller than Yoda himself Katarin had to notice and hide a snicker, stood in the doorway, having apparently watched the last half of the sparring match. The younglings stood wide-eyed, clapping softly, with dreams of being able to be that skilled lighting their eyes. Embarrassment flooded Katarin's cheeks as she switched her blade off and lowered her head, assuming a stoic expression and biting her lip. Her eyes started searching Yoda for some kind of response. He hardly ever spoke…and compliments in particular were oh so rare. A pleased, even semi-proud look crossed his usually unreadable face as he ever so slightly nodded approvingly at the two sweaty Padawans.

"Mastser Yoda," a tiny voice asked, catching Katarin's attention and she walked forward and stood beside Obi-Wan, "are these two Jedi Knights?"

"Jedi Knights they are not—merely Padawan learners are they, but long it will not be until Masters see them fit for such titles." Yoda simply responded as the initiates parted, making a path for him as he walked through, ready to lead them to a different room.

'**I hope I am that skilled someday.'**

'**I hope I'm that pretty someday.'**

'**I'm gonna fight just like him!'**

Katarin could not help but smile at the children's thoughts that were being shouted all over the room. They had not even begun training on how to quiet and shield their minds, and their excited thoughts were running rampant through the force.

"I didn't realize we had an audience," she said quietly, once they'd left, her eyes still on the door, "and that Yoda was here…I probably shouldn't have done what I did." She admitted more to herself then to Obi-Wan. But of course…he heard.

"I think he was impressed," Obi-Wan said almost dismissively, "I guess his comment about our Masters seeing us fit for trials soon was a compliment. With Yoda…one never seems to know." She turned from the door, shaking her head and sighing relieved.

"I never do." She admitted truthfully. Yoda wasn't one of her Masters, so what he had to say didn't really pertain to much to her. She met his eyes that were swirling with questions…questions that she already knew from the thoughts forming in his head.

'**I know you know….'**

'_So what if I know what you want to ask me?'_

"Do I get an answer?" He asked, noting the surprise in her face when he spoke aloud.

"I've had a little advanced training…yes…." She admitted almost sheepishly, as though she was confessing to a crime. "And you've had some too, I noticed..." She trailed off, looking at him surprised.

"Quite obviously—and I have seen that move you pulled before." She looked over at him questioningly, as he took a step closer to her side, "I know you were doubting it and starting to think yourself the better for it." He said a bit more quietly.

"Think we know everything, do we…?" She asked softly, finding her eyes getting lost in his.

"Close enough I would think." That's when she heard the switch of the handle and the hum of an energy beam. But she was right there with him. Again they were at it, pulling at the knowledge and experience they possessed, each blow became steadily more involved and the blocks equally as effective.

The fluidity of his movements still amazed her. _"Live like water. Flow and engulf all that you encounter."_ Obi-Wan certainly did, at least when fighting. And how he managed to keep so polished and accurate under her sharp, more harsh fighting style was also impressive. His left hand shot suddenly out. _'Damn.'_ She felt herself flying backwards, crashing softly on her back onto the padded floor. She coughed lightly, more shocked that she had let that happen than in pain. Finally she'd given him an opening…and of course he had to take it. He dropped his unlit blade at his feet as he walked over to her, kicking her blade away from the reach of her hand. He looked down at her as she lay, obviously trying to sort out what just happened.

"I can't say I've ever seen you looking that bemused…" He said between heavy breaths.

"Ha ha ha," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "I would have done the same though—had I seen an opening in your concentration…this would be you instead of me." She raised her right hand, pointing up at him.

"But therein lies the point—it is _you_ on the ground." He brought out his hand and clasped it around hers, in friendly effort to help pull her off the floor. But she pulled back harder than he was prepared for and next thing he knew, he found himself half on her, half on the padded floor, her melodic laughter ringing in his ears.

"I can't say I've ever seen _you_ looking that bemused," she said through her laughter, turning his words back on him and looking at him playfully, pointedly.

"I knew you were going to do that," he said, searching her eyes, "but what I hadn't counted on was you're being as strong as you are." He finished quietly, just now realizing how close their faces were and how warm her body was pressed against him. She breathed deep, a smile on her face. Suddenly a surprised, confused blush spread to her face.

"Obi-Wan…!" She asked curiously, smiling in surprise, doubting whether she'd heard that thought correctly. Apparently she had, judging by his now lowered head and red cheeks, and his words still rang surprisingly in her head. **_'She feels so soft and good against me.'_** Of course she had noticed their extremely close proximity but had fought with every ounce of her being to keep from consciously thinking about it (and to keep from thinking about that kiss from the archives!) for that very reason—knowing that he would find out. "I think I'm flattered actually…." She said absentmindedly watching him raise his smirking eyes, biting a corner of his lip ever so discreetly. _'Force, is that a sexy look,'_ her mind suddenly screamed. Her eyes widened as a knowing smirk crossed his face.

"Katarin…!" He asked, mocking her tone from earlier as his eyes found hers, laced with embarrassment.

"Well….you started it all." _'Oh force—that was real mature,'_ she scolded herself, barely rolling her eyes.

"Actually," he said, lowering his head and turning his face so it hovered just above hers, "you started it when you pulled me down here next to you."

"On me, you mean…" She corrected, finding her heart starting to race and herself drowning in that look of his.

"Right…." He simply said as she felt his hand start to slide down her right side, getting closer and closer to waist. But however he tried to hide it, she knew what he wanted to achieve. And however much her body was reacting and responding to his touch and feel, her mind wouldn't let her slip. She reached her hand out, searching through the force to find where Obi-Wan had kicked her lightsaber and instantly it was tight in her hand as she heard the hum of Obi-Wan's lightsaber fill the air.

And so the afternoon went, sparring exhaustingly with brief periods of rest in between.

But their brief rest periods were not proving to be of much good, as both Obi-Wan and Katarin were starting to tire. And as such, their fighting started growing sloppy.

"You shouldn't have missed that, Obi-Wan." Katarin mock scolded, her humming blade at her side.

"True, I should not have," he conceded from where he stood, catching his breath as he retrieved his fallen light saber, "and you shouldn't miss this—." He flew towards her, engaging her, blades clashing electrically. She swung her blade around, wearily combating his every move.

Quickly she forced his blade low, holding him fiercely back. But she miscalculated.

Pain ripped through her leg as a scream left her. Her blade dropped to the floor beside her as she crumbled, hands instinctively flying to her leg.

"Katarin!" Obi-Wan tossed his blade aside, dropping to her side, watching her fight to hide a grimace on her forever stoic face.

She pulled her hands away and assessed the long, burned, blood mark running down her leg. _'Matching burns on arm and leg…how nice…,'_ some dark voice laughingly scoffed.

"I can't believe I let that happen—"

"No Obi-Wan, it was more me than you," she quickly cut him off, in no mood to hear his groveling, "I misjudged their closeness," she paused for a second, "my own weakness I suppose…." The small smile fell from her face as her eyes shut, fighting back a wince. Not at the pain in her leg, but at the realization. She was weak…inherently—her body had limitations that could never be overcome. This was certainly one of them.

Obi-Wan looked curiously at her, sensing a major internal struggle that tugged at his curiosity and care, but also sensing dull waves of pain.

"Come on, we need to get you to a medic." He said, rising slowly, his eyes never leaving her.

"I don't think they're that serious." She said dismissively, attempting to stand. But quickly she favored his right side, lifting all weight from her left foot, hissing almost silently.

"Mm-hmm," Obi-Wan said knowingly, "that's what I thought." Without a sound he moved behind her and picked her up in his arms.

"Obi-Wan! You don't have to carry me!" She said, surprise evident on her voice and smile.

"You can't limp all the whole way there—no gentleman would let a lady." He simply answered as he started for the door, as she rolled her eyes.

'_Is there anything I can do to get him to put me down?'_

'**Maybe.'**

'_Maybe…sounds promising.'_ She looped her arms around his neck, holding on.

'**Could be…but you're hurt, so odds are no.'**

'_There must be something.'_ She let her eyes fall to his, looking at him challengingly over her thin lenses. Obi-Wan's heart was racing. And the opportunity was oh so tempting. He slipped—and temptation finally won.

He closed the inches between them, pressing his lips gently, tentatively against hers. Immediately she returned his kiss, unknown exciting feelings coursing in her heart. Instinctively she parted her lips, letting him in deeper, feelings of love and desire passing through the force between them. **'How could anything forbidden feel so right?'**

Reluctantly they parted, both seemingly a little lost. Such powerful, forbidden feelings had never overpowered them before. All Katarin could think of was that teasing kiss of his in the archives—if only she had known what kissing him would be like, she would have gladly kissed him back.

"You knew!" He suddenly, embarrassedly asked.

"About the night in the archives, yes." She admitted gently, a sweet note on her voice, watching him blush.

"From that night on I knew you were dangerous to me—"

"And just look at us now." She said sweetly, meeting his eyes.

"Honestly," he said softly, "I wouldn't have it any other way." Never before had she seen such honesty, sincerity and caring in a person's eyes before. She found herself powerless, completely disarmed. She snuggled closer against him, kissing him ever so gently before nuzzling his cheek.

"Neither would I." Katarin had never spoken truer words. Never in all her years under Setti had she said anything so deeply true and heart felt.

All at once, a new sense of purpose rushed over her, bringing with it a sense of belonging that Katarin had never felt before, and never wanted to lose. He tightened his hold around her, around the one woman he found himself longing to love unlike any other.

"Do you think you should put me down—lest someone were to find us like this?" She suddenly said, pulling her face from his.

"But you are still hurt, so my excuse is a good one." He said, smiling confidently as she laughed.

"I told you I'm sure I can make it to my quarters just fine Obi-Wan." She said, a reassuring note to her voice.

"And I told you, you were too confident." He said, harkening back to their first face-to-face conversation. She leaned in his arms and looked at the seared mark on her leg—true enough it did hurt, and she was inwardly grateful not to have to walk on it—all of which he knew.

"And I told you, you were too smart—this proves it." She smiled mock-angry as she shook her head laughing silently at his smile as they walked down the corridor. "Well after a fresher shower and treating my burn, I'll come by and get the data pad I should have gotten a few days ago." She quickly said.

"Alright, I'll be there, so just come in whenever you get there. I'll be waiting for you." The door to her quarters slid silently open and he set her gently on the sofa before turning to go. Shakily she rose and hobbled after him.

"Obi-Wan." He turned around and she stepped up to him, pressing her lips full against his, loving his immediate reaction. She longed to have his arms around her, but knew now (if ever) was not the time. He pulled back, a smile across his handsome face.

"See you soon." She nodded quickly, excitedly. Without another word he turned to leave and she found herself, sighing, wishing he hadn't left. She knew it now—against everything—she loved him. And it seemed fairly obvious he loved her in return. When words failed him, his eyes spoke volumes. And they'd captured her heart despite the mental shields, hatred and coldness surrounding her.

Maybe it all meant that she wasn't as cold natured as she'd been her whole life…that maybe there was some hope for her after all. She hobbled off towards the shower, trying to sort everything out. Everything about him and surrounding him felt so right, yet everything she knew, knew it to be wrong. But he loved her in return…_'that has to count for something somewhere.'_

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'_Data pad…data pad. Of all things—don't forget to ask him for the data pad.'_ Katarin had to keep reminding herself, for she felt certain that around Obi-Wan, after this afternoon, she would forget. She didn't bother to knock—he said he'd be there.

"Hello? Obi-Wan…?" She called out, quickly scanning the room, sensing his closeness…his and his alone.

"Yes Katarin?" He emerged from a side room with nothing but a dark blue towel around his waist, running a hand through his wet hair. _'Oh force….'_ Katarin's eyes inadvertently flew to his chest, watching his muscles as he moved.

"The data pad, Obi-Wan," she forced herself to finally say, tearing her eyes from his chest, "I came for the data pad." _'Stupid, blabbering idiot!'_ **'From you it's sweet." **Her cheeks burned and she glared at him playfully.

"Here it is." He said sweetly, a laugh on his voice as he picked it off the table. He let his eyes travel back to hers, in awe at their almost glow in the low light. He noticed she was dressed in full Jedi robes, as she so often was not. And the way her curls fell lazily around her shoulders, framed her face behind her lenses in a most alluring way. **'She is way too dressed….'** _'Excuse me?'_

"Here's your data pad." He suddenly, softly said, walking closer to her, hand extended.

"You didn't answer my question." She quickly, pointedly said, taking the pad and shoving it deep in her robe, fighting to keep her body calm.

"I said 'you're too missed.'" He said coyly, smiling playfully. _'I've told you before—lying does not become you.'_

'**You're right my dear—it becomes you so much better.'** He smiled jokingly, holding her eyes longingly.

'_Now we're talking….'_ She pressed her lips against his without taking a step as his arms wrapped around her. He felt so amazingly good—his warm skin beneath her fingers, smooth lips tracing hers gently. Instinctively he pressed his hips tight against hers and let go his mind—living and feeling the moment—and all that mattered was Katarin. With her tight against him, he could not wish for not much more.

Katarin loved the feel of him against her, so much so that as his hands slid her robe from her shoulders, she shut down her mind. Everything her training taught her was screaming against her—she absolutely should not. But Katarin found herself unwilling to stop—these feelings for and with Obi-Wan were everything…just everything. She heard the snap of a buckle and felt her belt fall away as his hands crept under the folds of her tunic, running in small, dizzying circles across her stomach.

"Now what would Qui-Gon say if he walked in right now?" She asked breathlessly, shocking even herself. He looked up from her neck.

"He'd say to stop," he heard himself say, "or," he added hopefully, "he'd say to get a room…." He said playfully, but with a much more serious question to his eyes that bordered on hurt at seeing her sudden stop.

"So why don't we?" She whispered almost silently, glancing quickly at the room he'd come from, before back to him, a mischievous loving, desiring light to her eyes. He smiled wickedly, alluringly before she turned towards the bedroom door. He stooped and gathered her robe and belt in hand before joining her and locking the door.

Before long they lay together, bodies locked tight, building a rhythm between them leading to crescendo. Sides of the force were forgotten—Jedi or Sith meant nothing to either of them. Simply they were a man and woman wanting, needing, giving, loving.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Slowly her eyes drifted open, greeted by the warm sight of the rising sun and Obi-Wan's content, handsome face. Of course she remembered how she came to be in his bed, tangled in his body. Never before had she felt so warm…so loved. Katarin bit her lip and fought back tears.

But never again. Never again could she let his happen—_'hell, it shouldn't even have happened once!'_ She kissed his lips softly, before quietly and reluctantly rising, quickly finding her discarded clothing.

"Against both sides of the force, I love you Obi-Wan. And somewhere I know I always will." She whispered quietly as she looked over him as he peacefully slept. Her heart was shattering, but her mind was screaming it was the right thing to do. She turned and fled his quarters, torn in her heart and mind.

The feel of his every touch still lingered, filling her with such feelings and happiness as she'd ever known. And not even the thought of ruling the galaxy was more appealing than another night in Obi-Wan's loving, passionate embrace.

She stopped cold in the hallway. That thought scared her. Had Obi-Wan turned her around? Turned her to the light-side of the force…?_ 'Setti is going to scream…if he isn't already….'_

These feelings had to be locked away and never brought to the surface again. That was the only possible solution she could think of. Memories that she would keep only for herself—memories of the one night she spent as a woman in the arms of the man she loved.

Love…both the Sith and Jedi orders should reject her. Katarin had formed the deepest attachment humans can, next to parents and children. And in no way did she want to let go of it. But she had to…it was required of her. _'Simple as that…,'_ she resolved resolutely. _'Settled then—I just can't see him. If I don't see him, keeping these feelings and memories buried will be a bit easier.'_

She smiled assuredly as she continued down the hallway to her quarters, a mischievous gleam in her eyes at hiding so wonderful a secret.

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shame, shame on katarin. but how could she resist obi-wan (don't think i could...). anywho, drop a review if'n ya want. if'n not, tune in about a week from now for chapter 11. 


	11. Ch 11: Another simple task

yay for time to post another chapter. story is starting to draw to a close...but its not over yet. thanks to all those who read & review!

same warnings & disclaimer apply

**Chapter 11: Another simple task **

Nothing beats the warmth, soothing and cleansing of a long fresher shower. And even for someone as cold-natured as Katarin, it felt wonderful. But her rapidly pruning skin was clearly an indication she needed to move on.

Quickly she dressed in loose pajamas and fell back on her bed, letting her eyes sink shut. _'Thank the force Gitan is away on assignment._**'** That meant she could take the whole day to laze around, meditate, submerge everything about the previous day and night, however much she did not want to. Had Gitan been there—he would have kept her working, constantly trying to improve. _'Or even worse, if Setti was here….'_ Her thoughts suddenly dwelled on her true master.

Over a month had passed since her last meeting with Setti and she'd heard nothing since. This, she figured, was working to her benefit. Especially since her relationship with Obi-Wan was now on a whole new level.

What she had been so unwilling to give Deacon, she gave freely to Obi-Wan. Never had she wanted anything more. And never had anything felt so right—his kiss, his touch—and she loved him in return with all she possessed.

And for that, Setti would torture her. Course pain through her every nerve, instructing her and bringing her to the point of death before releasing her. That's why he could never know. She sighed heavily, closing her eyes and bringing a hand to her head. That was all much easier to say than it was to do. Especially since the feelings were so new and wonderful all at once.

Hell, it was hard enough keeping the Black Moon and Deacon from Setti—and somewhere she was sure he knew about it. But Katarin had just not bought into the tradition of finding a man on a certain night, the night of the Black Moon, and falling into bed with him. Even though Deacon Zann—one of the more handsome men she'd met—had been most willing to join with her, Katarin still had turned from it. The only purpose of Black Moon was to expose students to the experience, so that it could not be used against them as a disarming weapon, leading to their downfall later on—and to Katarin, it seemed pointless.

She could only guess if her relationship with Obi-Wan was destroying everything she'd spent her life working towards. She would have to see Master Setti and return back under his watchful eye to know just how much she had slipped. Inherently she knew she should not love him, nor want to love him—but she had made her resolve this morning, and felt certain she could stick to it.

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1600. _'Did I really sleep for that long?'_ she groggily wondered. Slowly she eased off her bed and staggered out into the main living room, fighting back a long yawn. She found her lenses on the table where she'd left them and snapped them in place, furrowing her brow. Another black data pad lay on the clear tabletop. _'From Setti no doubt—what does he want next?'_

"

Atrides—

Another data pad is to be switching between Masters and will lay unattended for a time. Create a duplicate of it and report to transport pad C21 at 2100 two days from now.

"

Perfect. Setti must have known, for already there was another assignment. He'd give her anything to distract her from herself and Obi-Wan.

But still the thrill of her mission and excitement she felt at sneaking around under the Jedi's noses broke through her hazy, heartfelt feelings. And what a better way to do it than to get back to work.

Again, the data pad had been right where she knew it to be. And again, it was easier than sparring to get a duplicate made. It was amazing that for all the Jedi's wisdom and cautionary acts, they still would leave things so important so unattended. Must be the ever growing arrogance of the Jedi…to believe they have such a firm handle on things that items of importance require no guarding.

"You look guilty." Katarin stopped in her tracks at Lenia's cold, accusing voice.

"And just what would I be guilty of?" Katarin asked, hoping she sounded innocent enough.

"Whatever it is you Sith feel guilty about in the Jedi temple." Outwardly Katarin couldn't help but laugh, and inwardly, marvel at how perceptive and smart Lenia was despite her outward appearance.

"You really should let that go…if I were a Sith, then what could I possibly have to learn here?"

"You sound just like one—so full of confidence and absolutes. Just listen to yourself." Lenia stared back at Katarin in complete disbelief. "You have a pretty weak disguise…an all-powerful Sith can't even pull off a simple Jedi disguise?"

"What would we have to learn from you anyways…if I was one?" She quickly added, hoping she hadn't fully given herself away.

"Well I'm on to you—even if I can't prove it now…someday I will." Lenia challenged as Katarin's eyes narrowed in a determined smile.

"I wish you the best of luck." Katarin turned on her heels and continued on to return the data pad, ignoring the hard feel of Lenia's eyes on her retreating form.

'_Let Lenia think what she wants. She has no proof…and she never will._' The door slide open and she walked through the dimly lit room, skirting the sharp table edge. She set the pad back on the table, grazing another hand unexpectedly. Surprise filled her face as her head shot up. _'Obi-Wan!'_

"Katarin, what are you doing?" He calmly asked, a smile spreading across his face, light entering his eyes a curious tone to his voice.

"Just returning something that I found lost." She hoped that sounded sincere enough.

"Then what is that?" He asked more seriously, motioning to the identical pad in her hand as his smile started to fall away. "Surely you did not 'find' two lost?"

"Just what am I being accused of now?" She bristled, a flicker of anger surfacing in her heart.

"You do know what this is?" Obi-Wan asked, holding the data pad in hand. She said nothing, resisting the dark urge to tell him it was a data pad. "It's a list of all the Jedi assignments, and their locations." He narrowed his eyes, watching a most impenetrable, defensive look cross her face; hurt filling his heart, disbelief and even anger creeping to his mind. "How stupid do you take me for Katarin? Clearly you hold a duplicate copy." She met his gaze, stone cold, unyielding.

"So it is." She simply answered, voice laced with deep rooted coldness.

"You should have no need for it," he said softly, a stoic calmness replacing his earlier, content smile across his handsome face, "please hand it over Katarin." She kept her eyes locked with his, surfing through her options. Silently, she took a step backwards, slipping the pad deep in her robe pocket, her decision clearly made.

Obi-Wan stood in lost, confused shock. This was it. Suddenly she let every shield and barrier fall completely away, exposing everything, crushing all Jedi training. It took no effort for Katarin now—and it felt so amazingly liberating to be herself again.

She raised her now dark green eyes to Obi-Wan's. The look on his face would have been heart wrenching if she let herself consciously care. The coldness and hatred had hit him like a wall—and all of it suddenly streaming from her.

A Sith spy in the Jedi temple…no wonder he had been so tempted to break the rules and love her. She had deceived him, and tricked him into falling away from the Jedi code. Anger at himself, at her, began brewing in his heart, as did hurt and disbelief. The longer his eyes lingered on hers, the more he felt a desire to kill her…her or himself.

Without a sound, she suddenly took off around a corner, Obi-Wan quickly following her. She had to be stopped—if the information she carried fell into more powerful hands, it could spell disaster for the Jedi.

Suddenly he stopped—he'd lost all sense of her presence. **'Damn you Obi-Wan Kenobi…no where near fast enough—and you're a fool! A blind ignorant fool!'  
**

**

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i feel like singing the Doors' song "this is the end/ beautiful friend, the end." it just seems fiting to me. anywho, leave a review if'n ya want. if not, check back in a week or so. thanks!


	12. Ch 12: Discovery II

hey all! thanks for the reviews! well here we go, chapter 12--starting to near the end. enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimer apply.

**Chapter 12: Discovery II **

She slumped in her chair onboard the transport bound for the Sith temple. _'Oh force, have I done the right thing?'_

In her mind's eye, she certainly had. For one moment after Obi-Wan asked her to hand over the data pad, she fought with herself—lose the assignment or blow her cover to Obi-Wan of all people.

The answer she had found to be quite simple—her orders were clear cut, and she would not fail. Failure was a sign of weakness.

But yet, she had blown her cover. Returning to the Jedi temple now meant possibly being exposed by Obi-Wan. He was the only person who knew, and she had no inkling of his intentions to tell others.

He was a risk now…a liability—and she mentally kicked herself for not having done something to eliminate that risk. Setti was sure to know it, one way or another. And she would see him soon enough. Two days earlier than her orders dictated. And she knew that would not sit with Setti at all.

It hit her—she had screwed up, in more ways than one. Setti was sure to punish her once she got there. And willingly, she would take it, knowing full well she was worthy and deserving of punishment—not only for having blown her cover, but also for having loved Obi-Wan…and loving him still.

Yet still she was nervous, fearful even. She guessed it was the unknown element of it all. She wasn't afraid of the punishment she would surely be receiving at Setti's hand, or of the repercussions of her actions.

No, it was the uncertain knowledge of knowing just how much Setti already knew, and how he would react to her early arrival, the plans she had in her pocket, and her exposed cover._ 'Well, I'll know soon enough…,'_ she reasoned, trying to control her thoughts as she walked down the gangway and through the temple.

She walked up the stairs, steadily approaching the waiting Setti. It was taking all her will power and then some to keep nervousness from shouting too loudly in her mind. Setti's chair-back was towards her as he faced the wide window.

"Katarin, my dear. Good of you to come so speedily—even though your orders said to wait two days." His calmly soft, commanding voice floated to her ears as he turned slowly around.

"Of course sir," she answered a bit shakier then she would have liked, confusion forming in her mind, "why would I not, master?" Setti's hand silently rose, and she felt herself thrown sideways, her back smashing into the stone wall. A forced cough escaped her throat as she struggled to find her breath, lost in the shock at what just happened.

"You mock me now to call me 'master.'"

"Sir, I—" Again her body was rammed harder into the wall, cutting off her words, her head starting to spin as she suppressed a groan at the pain coursing throughout her.

"It's in your benefit not to speak," he said wisely as he rose from the chair, slowly approaching her, watching as she internalized the pain. A part of him hated to see this happen to her…she'd been doing so well, but she had brought all this on herself…**'so be it.'**

A small wave of his spindly hand and she felt herself falling. Roughly she crashed to the marble floor, her head banging against it before recoiling. She shook her head slowly, trying to ignore the blaring pain or the fact that her vision was spinning, and beginning to notice a distinct coppery taste filing her mouth. Trying desperately to find her breath and control of her mind, she spit out, not surprised the see the red blood and feel it running down her chin.

"Insolent girl." Setti calmly scolded before sending her head first into the nearest wall. Her face twisted into a horrible grimace, fighting back screams of pain as it ripped through her skull, despite her heart yelling that this was just what she was deserving of.

"I trust you are beginning to understand that every part of the training has a purpose," Setti said coldly as he watched her writhe on the floor, fighting screams of pain, "even something as pointless as you see the Black Moon….well just look at you now." Her mind was screaming—of course he knew! _'Damn you Katarin!'_ She screamed at herself, feeling tears of anger and hatred pooling in her eyes as pain continued to course throughout her. "You are fallen…but in time, I trust you'll have risen." He raised his hand again, knowing she was fully learning her lesson as her screams of pain filled the air, echoing off the cold stone marble.

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Katarin stumbled to her room, fighting back tears, clutching her arm to her chest. No sooner had the door closed, she collapsed to the floor, unable to stand any longer, deep breaths racking her body.

Setti knew how to torture…she had to give him that. Knew how to break her—just what nerves to hit. She couldn't believe she'd let him get to her so. Although she really didn't have much of a choice…and now here she lay, unable to move, coursing with burning pain. Tears were streaming down her cheeks but she didn't notice, much less care. Setti broke her body, mind and soon her heart, which she wasn't even supposed to have.

'"**_Kill Kenobi—I want him causing no trouble in the future. Kill him, and the rank of Master will be rightfully earned."'_** Her eyes closed tight and she bit her lip.

How could Setti ask this of her? _'Of all things,' _she thought through her tears. Another wave of pain ripped throughout her and she rolled into a tight ball, breathing quickly, trying to force the pain away. Slowly it subsided back to its dull, burning ache.

She relaxed from her tense position, sighing powerlessly. She'd lost Obi-Wan, and now had to kill him, and on top of that, her body was virtually destroyed. If her left hand would ever work again, it would be by some power beyond her. She couldn't move any part of it from her wrist to fingers, seeing as how the bones had completely shattered.

How Setti expected her to kill Obi-Wan in this condition was beyond her. Everything right now was beyond Katarin. Faintly, she heard the door open, but she did not care who it was—if it was Setti, so be it. _'I have paid my debt, now won't you leave me in my misery?'_ The faint voice of a medical droid reached her ears, but only for a second, as slowly she faded out of consciousness.

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sorry so short! this week is a bit crazy, and next one will be as well. but i still should have the next update up sometime next week. leave a review if'n ya want. if'n not, stay tuned for the finale! after all, Katarin does have one last assignment... 


	13. Ch 13: An ending

chapter 13...getting close to the end. thanks to all those who read & review! it really means a lot. sorry for the brevity of legnth in the last few chapters, but chapter 14 is shaping up to be a longish one. enjoy!

same disclaimer & warnings apply.

**Chapter 13: An ending **

How many days had it been? She couldn't be sure, nor did she care too much. Katarin was so on the verge of giving up altogether. All of it—the physical pain, emotional pain—all of which she deserved—was making her life a virtual hell.

But a hell she felt worthy of. Who was she to defy everything she'd known and find herself lost in between? Who was she to think she deserved the heart of Obi-Wan, yet reach for him still?

She breathed deep, frustrated with herself, feeling the dull pain erupt into something more as her breathing quickened in hopes of the pain subsiding. When it finally did, she absentmindedly laid her hand on her head, jerking it quickly back as new pain rose.

Gingerly she brought her fingers back up, feeling gently around the massive swollen bruise that started on her forehead and traced down the contour of her left cheekbone. Her fingers then moved to the bar in her nose, making sure it was still there…thankfully it was.

'_At least I'll be able to still see.' _She closed her eyes slowly, not able to find any more energy to explore her other injuries, like the bandage she felt on the other side of her face or the cut at her lip, or to care about them.

'_Surely if I deserve all this, then I am most certainly deserving of dea—'_

'**Just because you look and feel like hell is no need to go there any faster.'** Slowly she opened her eyes and stared lethargically up at Setti. Whatever he was going to do to her she would welcome it…there was naught else she could do. She didn't even have the energy to attempt to sit up in her master's presence.

"We all build our own stairway to hell," Setti said calmly, surveying her injuries, "you just added a few more steps to yours," he paused reading the knowing look on her face, "your transport leaves in two days." He slid the backside of his thumb gently across her bandaged and swollen forehead, watching as her head sunk further into the pillow under the weight of deep sleep.

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Those had to be the fastest two days of Katarin's life. Before she knew it, she was walking up the gangway to the transport that would carry her back to Coruscant. But by no means was she ready.

Once she finally had some strength to stand, she had found herself immediately favoring her right side as strained muscles plagued her left leg; and her left hand…well, that something altogether different. She shuddered at the memory of discovering it as she raised it and studied it, as though willing it to return to normal.

MEMORY

She was actually allowed to sit up in bed—to prop herself up against the pillow. She placed her right hand flat on the mattress and proceeded to do the same with her left. But it wouldn't…wouldn't flatten. Her fingers were still bent, no matter how much she willed them to straighten out.

And then, as she tried to reign in her panic, she tried to ball her left hand into a fist. But it didn't…her curved fingers only came part of the way in, making a very open, loose grip.

In that moment, only then did she realize that she had lost 70 of the range of motion for her left hand. Her fingers always had a curve to them and would never straighten out or clench into a tight grip again.

Speeder racing would be near to impossible now, unless the controls were all super thick so that she could get her loose grip around it. And lightsaber fighting….She gulped hard. In that moment, she felt her world closing around her.

END MEMORY

And in truth, it never had opened back up. And now she was faced with the almost impossible task of fighting against Obi-Wan Kenobi and having to kill him. Never mind that she limped heavily to her right side, her left hand was virtually useless and her vision was off because of swelling from a massive bruise running along her cheek bone up to the forehead. All that and numerous scrapes and cuts…oh yeah, she was in _great_ shape to fight. _'Obi-Wan could kill me before I even knew what hit me….'_ That's when it hit her.

Maybe that was Setti's intention. Since he couldn't outright kill her, for reasons she didn't have to understand, why not have Kenobi do it? _'Someone he knows is close to me; someone who is—or should be—my sworn enemy…of course….'_ She shook her head uncertainly. But would Obi-Wan actually kill her? She wondered…would she if she were in his position?

And to that question, which plagued her mind throughout her entire trip to Coruscant, she could honestly find no answer. But instead of finding an answer, however, she'd found the only course of action open to her. The only one, however painful, that would guarantee success.

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The Jedi Temple was such a familiar place. And as quickly as she could move, she slipped through the shadows, ever mindful to keep all thoughts at bay as any thought or feeling could easily be detected and then, game over. She ducked into the nearest practice room and quickly closed the door behind her, before grabbing her left side and doubling over in momentary pain. _'Damn my healing broken rib…,'_ she mentally cursed before regaining her composure and breathing deep, before reaching out to Obi-Wan.

Effortlessly she felt out with the force towards the one aura she had come to love, belonging to the one person she now had to kill. Gently she surrounded him, teasing him with whispers and touches until she felt his focus on her.

Quickly she pulled back, opening her eyes as she waited. She knew he would come, and she fought to keep her breathing normal. He would come…but would she able to go through with her plan?

She had no choice. She closed her eyes tight, leaning against the wall to conserve her strength as she bit her lip. _'This is the end, my only friend, the end.' _

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sorry for the lack of action in this chapter--but the scene had to be all set for chapter 14. what will Katarin do? will she kill Obi-Wan? will this be alternate universe? or will he kill her? tune in sometime next week for the exciting conclusion! 


	14. Ch 14: Death lurks in every flower

thanks to all readers & reviewers (fills me with such warm fuzzies). sorry for not getting this up earlier in the week (hectic week), but here we go...chapter 14. nearing the end...

hope you enjoy!

same warnings & disclaimers apply.

**Chapter 14: Death lurks in every flower **

Obi-Wan, for the first time in years, was actually having to work to reign in his anger.

She had dared to come back—that, in of itself, was an insult to every Jedi that had been or would be. And he knew just where to find her.

He had to admit it was clever of her though…clever how she avoided detection by others. Reaching out to only him, then silencing her thoughts which he knew her to be capable of doing…and knowing how she was capable of doing so. **'Damn her advanced dark side powers…,'** his mind grumbled as he neared the practice room.

He was almost eager to confront her. He simply had too many questions that were plaguing his mind. Their relationship had been the most wonderful thing that he could recall happening in his life…and then she shattered everything.

He knew now why attachment was forbidden among Jedi. And he hated himself for falling…for being weak and drawn in by her. Never again would he let himself fall. **'Never again.'** The door to the practice room slid open.

Her breath caught in her chest and her eyes flew to the door. Never before could she recall a look that stoic, that hateful, that angry even, crossing his usually content face. She pushed herself off the wall and just watched him watch her.

"You dare show your face here." Obi-Wan said, trying not to notice the ugly bruise covering her face, the healing cut on her forehead and lip, her unhealthy pale skin.** 'The bite of conscience is indecent.'**

"I've one last assignment before I make master—kill you. Despite the doubt forming in your mind," she said, as she started to circle slowly around him, unlit light saber in hand, "I assure you I could." She sounded much more confident than she felt and fought with every ounce of her will power to keep the pain at bay.

"I could kill you right now." He said coldly, almost surprised at his own tone, but not fully—this woman stole everything he offered her…just everything.

A flash of concerned confusion blew through his mind…she was limping.

"I don't blame you." She said, crossing around him.

"'Don't blame?'—don't you dare pull that on me! I want to kill you!"

"As you should, you've every right—"

"Right?" He asked in disbelief, drawing his unlit blade to his hand. "You betrayed me."

He spat coldly.

"I've betrayed everyone….even myself." She slightly winced and bit her lip as pain shot through her left side.

"It's becoming of you actually." He said cruelly, fighting not to think about her wince. She sighed, trying to hide it. Maybe she'd been right along…maybe he never did love her, despite what he'd said. "So you haven't killed me yet, maybe I should go ahead and arrest you." He said mockingly.

"But therein lies the problem—I'm to kill you before you do that."

"Don't let me stop you." He narrowed his eyes challengingly.

"You won't." Blink of an eye, she switched on her light saber, wrapping her left hand around it as best she could. She really hadn't known just how weak she was until she met his first blow. And it was taking all her concentration on fighting to keep him from slicing right though her.

Feeling the pain from her injuries was not even an option. She had to be moving too fast and thinking only on fighting. She fought against him, doing her level best to put up a decent fight. But he caught her sloppiness and lack of strength, feeling almost insulted at her lack-luster performance.

This was not even close to the spar they had a few weeks back. Not even close. She pushed his light saber back and shot out her right hand, sending him flying back across the room as her light saber fell through the involuntary loose grip of her left hand.

They now stood apart, breathing deeply. He watched her face twist into a horrible grimace as her hands flew to her left side and she fought to keep from crumpling over. For one split moment, his anger was forgotten.

She looked on the verge of collapse and of breaking into tears. His heart cried out for her. She had shattered it completely and he couldn't understand how he could ever feel anything else but hatred for her, yet…here she was…and here he was. Without warning she crumpled at the knees, kneeling to the ground with her face against the padded floor. An unclenched left hand, with bent fingers loosely directed at a point towards Obi-Wan slowly rose as she breathed deep.

"Just give me a minute…." Her voice, strained with pain filtered over to Obi-Wan's ears and he almost had to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. She made it sound like all she needed to do was catch her breath—**'damn her pride'**—when obviously, with her crumpled on the floor, there was much more to it than that.

"Are you trying to kill yourself before I do?" He heard himself ask with a rather nasty tone to his voice, surprising himself. No response came from the other side of the room other than her lowering her left hand and the continuation of her quick, deep breathing. Finding nothing better to do, he settled back against the wall, ignoring the voice in his heart yelling at him to go over and help her. "So what happened?" He calmly asked.

"What do you care?" Her voice, full of venom and coldness, pierced his heart. His love and care for her had never been the issue—she was the one who had lied to him, and in all likelihood, lied about her love for him. He should be asking her that question—not the other way around. Her harsh comment stung, and he wanted nothing more than to rub it in her face—make her regret she ever said it.

"So…I see you've gone back to red…" He bit his tongue as he forced himself to say anything else but what he really wanted to say. **'Saying my anger and insulting her only drags me down to her level…,'** he reasoned.

"Yeah, the blue light saber was about to kill me…." She said point-blank, trying to muster a little bit of humor as her head slowly rose.

"It still could." He said as he rose from where he sat, watching her shakily move to her feet, noticing tear streaks down her cheeks. His heart faltered.

"How well I know." She answered quietly. A breath and they were at it again as she flew towards him, determined and resolved to end this once and for all. Complete her mission and this would all be over.

More and more she was finding it difficult to fight against him. She used more strength then she realized in the first round and was now wearing out, and starting to make stupid mistakes. She swung her blade out, suddenly missing him as he moved it faster than she could think.

His right hand flew out and wrapped around her throat, pushing her against the wall as he neared his blade to her neck. She knew what would come next and could only wait…and hope. But release never came. She calmly opened her eyes, only to meet Obi-Wan's, laced with confusion, disbelief.

"You want me to kill you don't you?" He quietly asked, absolutely blown away by the calm composure on her face as she had waited for her possible death. Not even a flinch, in fact, he noticed she was smiling ever so slightly.

"I would be lying if I said no." She openly admitted, not caring if that changed his view of her. He already hated her…so what was the point of caring anymore?

"Katarin…you shouldn't wish for that." He heard himself say as he tired to sort through the confusion plaguing his mind and heart.

"If you were me you would." She said pointedly, swallowing hard against his hand still around her throat. He shook his head as he pulled away from her, taking his hand from her throat. "I've lost everything from my rank to half my physical range of motion…and the only person I ever held dear. I literally have _nothing_ left." She explained watching that stoic, unemotional look cross his face.

He was fighting with himself—Katarin could tell. Obi-Wan desperately tried to block out all her words, having vowed to himself that never again would he let himself feel for anyone, least of all her. **'There is no emotion; there is peace.'**

"You need medical attention before security comes." He suddenly said, his voice devoid of all emotion—just as he wanted it to be. She looked at him almost panic stricken.

"What! You summoned security? And medics? You're supposed to kill me!" She asked in disbelief as she limped away from the wall—a look of pure fear and shock on her face—_'this is _not _how its supposed to happen!'_.

"It's the Jedi way," he calmly, stoically answered, "and security not yet…but a medic yes. You don't have to tell me what happened, but your injuries need to be seen to." He turned from her and walked towards the door, hoping the medic would arrive soon.

Katarin was only looking worse and worse, and it tore at his heart…however much he didn't want it to. The hum of a light saber reached his ears. _'Death rides on every passing breeze, He lurks in every flower.'_ He flew around, seeing the blue blade of energy as she flipped it around and turned it on herself, searing pain momentarily ripping through her skin before peace.

The only thing Obi-Wan was aware of was nothing—not his running feet, his echoing voice. Katarin had just killed herself with his light saber. He reached her side, staring down at her now lifeless body in complete disbelief. Such an act was beyond him—lost to him as to why….wasn't it?

Her loving him went against everything—her training, her master, her mission. **_'I've betrayed everyone….even myself.' 'I've lost…the only person I ever held dear.'_** He shut his eyes, attempting to block it all out. This shouldn't matter—**'don't get attached to the dead—they drag you down.'**

His eyes sunk to the light saber in her limp hand. Best to leave it? Or take it and run? He couldn't be sure…he needed time to think—to meditate and clear his head. Katarin had just killed herself—the woman who, against all reason, still held his heart.

He solidly rose, squeezing his eyes shut, swallowing hardly. The medics would be here soon, he had already summoned them. He turned from her body and fled the practice room, never looking back. The Council would find him in time. Right now, Obi-Wan just needed time…time and space.

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there you have it. tune in later this week for the final installment--thanks for sticking with it! drop a review if'n ya wants, if not--tune in next week for the conclusion.


	15. Ch 15: That next place

alright--last chapter (yay!). thanks to everyone who has stuck with this through and through! and sorry for the long gaps between the last update and this one...but its the last chapter, so it won't be happening again.

anywho, hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

same warnings & discalimer apply.

**Chapter 15: That next place**

Words were fruitless to Obi-Wan by this point. Yet still they came to him.

"Padawan Kenobi—no doubt you are aware of the death of Katarin Atrides?" Obi-Wan nodded mutely from where he stood in the middle of the Jedi Council, doing his level best to hide all emotions and thoughts, and focus only on the conversation at hand.

"Your light saber was found in the young woman's hand, as well as the cause of the fatal wound." Windu said, a questioning air to his words.

"Yes Master Windu, it was." Obi-Wan said quietly, never having felt his heart so empty and so broken. The room felt like it was spinning.

"Know you also of her loyalty to the dark side," Yoda suddenly, wisely said, causing Obi-Wan to raise his head.

"Well I knew of it." Obi-Wan openly admitted, fighting back all memories he'd fiercely been trying to bury.

"Kill her did you to exact revenge only to frame her?" Yoda asked, more as a test than trying to ascertain the truth.

"Never." Obi-Wan said, his tone deep, resolute. Yoda closed his eyes satisfactorily and let himself run through Obi-Wan's mind, sifting through most forbidden, deep-rooted feelings. While Yoda could find no understanding for a motivation, he understood the events.

"Troubled your mind is," Yoda suddenly said, meeting Obi-Wan's eyes, "though the weapon was yours, death was not from your hand delivered."

"Yes Master. She found the weapon closest to her and took her own life…for reasons I do not fully understand." Obi-Wan knew Yoda knew everything about the past. But Obi-Wan said nothing more; he would leave Yoda to determine how much more needed to be said. Slowly Yoda turned his head and nodded to Master Windu.

"It is as you say Padawan Kenobi, and your light saber will be returned before the day is out. And this incident, while remembered in the records, will make no mention of your name."

"Thank you Masters." Obi-Wan bowed his head respectfully.

"You are dismissed." Master Windu said gently as Obi-Wan bowed once more and turned to leave.

Once outside the council chamber doors, he heaved a heavy sigh.

This was the end of it. No more, and never again. Obi-Wan chided himself for being so foolish as to think that rules didn't have a purpose. That was a mistake he would never make again. And as for Katarin—she could only exist in his dreams, if even there. All she was was a distraction—but a wonderful, fun, loving distraction. A distraction which Obi-Wan vowed to ignore and forget completely.

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Setti had stopped honing in on the Jedi Council for some time. He already knew everything he needed to know. Anger filled him, as did other emotions long since buried. He walked smoothly to his quarters, knowing deep meditation was in order. The door slid shut behind him and his eyes ran around the room, still feeling her lingering presence amongst her familiar items. Setti sunk to his knees, burying his face in the crooks of his elbows, resting his hands atop his bowed head.

Katarin was dead—by her own hand…his little girl, his only child. What possibly had she gotten into where there was no other way out? And she'd been well on her way to becoming so powerful…more powerful than him even. Now it was no more…she was no more.

It all had to be let go. Setti's one daughter—the one thing that was supposed to save him from falling to the dark side, but the one who ultimately fell with him—was now powerless and nothing. Setti raised his head and closed his eyes tight. It was over.

"Everything is becoming, nothing is." He rose, resuming his usual cold demeanor and set off to find another apprentice just as willing, just as determined.

**Epilogue: Moorittioo mahdurah swehpna**

**Obi-Wan stood in a daze, forcing himself to remain distant. It was not Katarin that lay before him. Merely the body she had inhabited, her shell. He glanced around quickly and saw that few had come to the cremation. **

**Originally, Katarin was to be honored with nothing in her death, save a quick disposal. But at Ki-Adi-Mundi's bidding, the body would at least be burned and allowed to return to the force. But a long black cloth was draped over her, only outlining the slim form of her face and body. **

**Obi-Wan, through and through, knew he should not have come. He needed to put everything about her behind him…but then again, that was why he had told himself he was there. To put closure on the one part of this life that had threatened to destroy it, threatened to undue all that his life had been working towards. Yet, if she were still alive and asked it of him, he found he would gladly have remained with her. And that was precisely the reason he had come…to put an end to all such thoughts, feelings, memories…to bring what had been a most wonderful beginning to an end, for the rest of time.**

**the end.  
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c'est la fin. merci beaucoup to all who read and those who review! i hope to have another story up sometime in early-mid October (a "Batman Begins" fic hopefully). Thanks again for sticking with "Forever Stoic"!


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